Friday, June 25

Wednesday, June 23

postulation #9

in order for there to be so much difficulty as to who is entitled to do what
it must not have been taken into account in the original equation

Sunday, June 20

Welcome to the library

be peaceful and quiet and you will have a place to visit if you end up going to hell

Thursday, June 17

cosmological uncertainty

there is little direct exposure as they do not radiate in the visible spectrum

Saturday, June 12

I know you were acting on my behalf. I am sorry I am not prepared to accept. Please prepare the other one and let him accept my role.

Friday, June 11

no thanks

the worst thing that can happen in the afterlife is responsibility. I respectively decline.
you need to use a better screening process. and it shouldnt be used as a JOKE!
perhaps my whole job from the very begining was to watch over president reagan

im slow

you guys have made american pie out of this whole thing havent you? How many thousands of years has it been? I am not remembered very well am I? I am glad for you. I am worried about myself. Please do not pass judgement on me. I am a relic from a bygone era. I will never understand your world. As you will never understand mine. We have truly evolved. In completely opposite directions.

Thursday, June 10

to the one I love

I felt very conflicted. I did not like the way i was feeling. The paranoia. The sexual arousal. The anxiety. It was also very traumatic to learn that my perceptions were not correct and that they disturbed you. I felt out of control. I was scared. I didn't understand what was going on. I wanted it to stop. I wanted desperately to gain control over my life. It took several years to come out of the fugue, but by then it was too late. The trauma had led me to chose a carrer I was not well suited for. The constant stress eventually pushed me over the edge. Over the past ten years events have brought things into sharper and sharper focus, however, with each revelation, I relive the trauma all over again. I feel you have been there waiting for me to end this fiasco. Perhaps it will one day. I certainly hope so. I wish I had been a better friend. That I had not felt the need to push. Somewhere in my mind there is a memory of a poem I wrote that you asked me for and I gave it too you. I hope you would print this out and keep it and remember others to me so that this mistake might not happen again.

love david

how it works

he knows im not supposed to be here anyway, so he starts doubling me up, hoping that when you finally do hit the real thing you wont recognize it, have a "miscalculation", and end up in a blind alley.

another rambling

I know you are unsatisfied with what has transpired. I am sorry I did not live up to your expectations. I agree that my interests, motivations, and obsessions have led me down the wrong road. You should not however be lulled into a false sense of security through repition, this is a favorite trick of the adversary. Please be careful, the alternative may find you in a completely blind alley.

another rambling

I know you are unsatisfied with what has transpired. I am sorry I did not live up to your expectations. I agree that my interests, motivations, and obsessions have led me down the wrong road. You should not however be lulled into a false sense of security through repition, this is a favorite trick of the adversary. Please be careful, the alternative may find you in a completely blind alley.

Tuesday, June 8

your not supposed to use it!

it bears the "causal" weight!

price stability

youre not getting it

what was the "reply" for? Why was it necessary?

boot code?

to base the whole success or failure of the universe on whether it is observed or not thats just plain genius

ok here goes

this is the hypothesis

because these things have a greater propensity to hit each other, uncertainty pushes them apart.

you may want to know what makes me think this. You may or may not be aware of the website i generated several years ago. we'll after developing the "black hole" website i noticed that i could hit the "singularity" of the "official" black hole website fairly regular. I don't know if these web "expiriments" have anything to do with the real thing.

probability mass

if you are a singularity the chances of you hitting a singularity are much much greater. in fact its probably inevitable. the universe may be expanding because these damn things are "chasing" each other.

nash

most people see "A Beautiful Mind" and dont really get the issue. Information is a lot deeper than we think. whether it be the "equal distant letter skip" phenomenon, used in "decoding" the bible, or the reverse speech phenomenon all the rock stars are accused of, there are strange juxtapositions of words and outright whole sentences that seemingly appear out of nowhere.

I dont want to get into a math lecture but I will say this for those of you who aren't so into it. Ive read that the funny thing about information content and how it is measured is the random numbers or data have the most. Its a real problem of course. How can random be informative?

What I've said, and what's probably driven me mad, is that "no information" and "saturation" can be the same thing. The keep phrase there is "can be". It's not empirical. It does not happen all the time. Which is probably why our ancestors, who may have recognized the phenomenon perhaps in their own way, chose to attribute it, when it occured, to greater beings.

Of Course no one ever is going to come forward and say their sacred texts were written through the use of a random process, and its probably my paranoia to even suggest such a thing. Some people though may have more "control" over it. Or lack of depending on how you look at it.

So what we got is one schizo saying another isn't nuts

The First Chapter

I dont write as much as I used too. Some of the medicines are really bad for that. This is something I started several months ago. It seems now Im constantly starting things and never continuing on with them.

I takes constant effort for things to go well. Perhaps that is what praying is about. Even then you can still get into trouble. They prey on you. A lost soul is more precious to them than diamonds. There’s all sorts of traps just waiting to be sprung. A movie, a book, the television, or even the constant barrage of punch drunk love songs on the radio.. Maybe they won’t get you now, but one day you are going to make a mistake. The door will open. The opportunity will be theirs.

I suffer from one of possibly several different diseases labeled “schizophrenia”. Possibly more articulate than most. Certainly more dangerous. That’s why they keep you all doped up you know, so you don’t start talking to a burning bush, so you don’t cause any “trouble”.

This isn’t a novel. It’s not a scientific paper. Of course you wouldn’t expect an advice book from somebody like me. It’s just a testament. To get it all down. To get it all out. The perspective of it all. The twisted, horrid, pathetic totality of it.

I don’t remember when it started. For a while I had convinced myself it had always been there. The thunder was a secret. Something I would share with someone I truly cared about. A lot of things happened from then to there, and I don’t want to skip anything.

There were two times I remember being very sick as a child. Once was with chickenpox. The other was with some sort of severe allergy complex. The two get sort of twisted in my mind, and I can’t remember exact details. I do remember, while at home for being sick, standing in the corner of my room. It seems like it started then. For all intents and purposes though, I’ve always had it. I was born with it.

At some point during that period, on a dare, I threw a rock through a church window. What happened next is still within the deep recesses of my mind. The children, when I broke the window, proceeded to enter the church. They stole I don’t know what, and I remember it being a big scandal. I remember being very upset. Some say trauma starts these things. Ritual abuse. Chronic separation. Others say you dig this stuff up. It really didn’t happen. Or it wasn’t as bad as you perceive it to be. I had really buried this stuff. I remember running. I remember being very upset. And perhaps even shouting. Shouting in my head.

Had God forsaken me in elementary school? I don’t think so. At least I didn’t then. I remember being very concerned about salvation. The salvation of the world. I knew as early as first grade that the world sat on the brink of armageddon. I was the kind of kid that worried about stuff like that. I think back now. I think why couldn’t I just be a kid. Why did I have to carry the world on my shoulders. I think I knew

I’m worried about the bloodbath that’s going to happen if he does get elected again. I’ve been though this before  We may find a comfortable...