they never intended for us to pass that damn eventuality test anyway

It was a thing we had to go through before they took over the planet
so a great attractor wouldn't happen again
basically it means you are responsible for a sizable portion

When you pass the test you ge what is called a "name"
but we are not supposed to have one
we are supposed to be terraforming slave race.

They don't talk about the great attractor anymore.

I guess I fit mosts definition of gay.
I just don't want it like I should.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
I am just a writer thats all.

I know I should give up.
I know this is never going to go anywhere.
I keep on doing it.
I don't want to quit.
I have quit too much in my life.

Now on top of everything I am scared to death of women.

I told you something that made you think I was gay didn't I?
Something you heard maybe?
Something you approached me about?
I don't remember most of that conversation.
I know we talked about my prom date.
I remember vaugely that we might have talked about another person.
What are you trying to do?
Why are you asking me those questions?
I am sorry.
Even in 84 I only remembered bits and peices.
So I had an experience with another boy.
What is the big deal?
That doesn't mean I liked it.
It doesn't mean I am Gay.
Lots of people have those experiences.
I can't help it that the faggot was in love with me.
You think the worst of everything.

You made a mistake.
You thought I was safe and I wasn't.

I dont care what you might have heard,
it is not ok with me,
I don't like it.

He was spreading friggen rumors because he was in love with me.
How is that my fault?

I don't remember because it is not a big deal to me.
It happened.
I didn't care for it.
What is the big deal?

I know.
I don't remember half of what I say and it confuses everybody.

I know he was spreading rumours about me.
I was approached about it several years ago.
Both of us were molested by the same friggen dickhead.
What I don't remember is telling you about it.

I wish I could go back to Texas.
They friggen wanted me there.

Henrico doesn't want me here.
Don't kid yourself, It can happen.
The church could put me in Timbuktu if they wanted to.

I did the right thing.
I friggen told somebody.
Somebody I thought gave a shit.

It may have been considered,
but I couldn't have gone to the hospital back then.
They didn't have anything to help me.
Anymore than I could help myself.
And I did until those assholes at my job fucked me over.
I should have stayed at the bank.
They accepted me there.
Black people have always been good to me.

In my experience,
black people share a common decency,
that white people just don't have.

It is a sad commentary about white people.
I don't know why they do this shit to each other.

I knew it was make or break,
and I didn't want to give up.

I know what it is like to have someone around
that you just don't like.

I said it might be easier for a black man to be elected president
Than it would be for him to be elected senator
and that was in 1998

The newtonian world we believe in
The newtonian world we depend on
is in jeopardy.
and once we lose it
we can never get it back.

All I want to do is give up
and I can't

A traditional post

I haven't posted anything in a while cause I am building my own computer. It was easier than I thought it would be. I don't know what is going on but every time I hit the backspace key twice the darn dvd drive opens up. Have to get out of that habit I guess. I thought mounting the cpu with the grease and everything would be the hard part. That was easy. The hard part was installing the motherboard. I am still not happy with it, If you want it to look professional, which is necessary if you are going to get top dollar for it, I would suggest getting the motherboard installed by a professional. This damn Openoffice writer wants to guess what word I am going to say. I don't like that either. Anyway everything else went without a hitch. I wanted to do a burn in before installing windows, but that is pretty tricky to do. I have a copy of mepis and ubuntu, I am running mepis now, so I booted it with the mepis disk. I went dumb and forgot I needed to run fdisk. So I spent a whole day trying to figure out why the hard drive wouldn't format. Dumb me right? Even dumber I spent a whole day trying to figure out what the default root password was, and I still aint up on how to install software in mepis, but I am getting better at it. In the process of trying to format the hard drive I found a great iso called the ultimate boot cd. With a flash of insight I remembered about fdisk, and hey it was on the ultimate boot cd, so that got me into business. I installed Mepis, I like Mepis better than Ubuntu, and downloaded burintest, I ran it several times in a row, and everything passed. Except I need to go in and see how to test the cd drive. A few things I learned. This Intel motherboard does not have a connection for the audio coming out of the cd drive. The Intel cpu fan only has one post that clicks in. The other three don't. Oh yeah and Ubuntu packages are not compatible with Mepis. On the horizon, my fellow club member is selling me a rack synthesizer. Maybe I will get back to making music. That's all. Have a nice day.

It will be amazing if I don't permanently screw up the hard drive.

happy birthday
I don't mean to be mean
but you really think the worst of everything