Average Inner Blog

if i put enough of myself in here, they may be able to bring me up inside a computer one day I said that a long time ago Some people are too caught up in gang theory to understand that You put yourself into it. That is what the damn thing is for. Am I doing the wrong thing? It is not meant to be read as poetry. It is written for a computer to compile my personality. It is construct. and it is very good construct.

If I do not protect and defend, I am a poor caretaker and none will be given to me Men fight. Men choose violence. Women choose magic. What do informed Gentlemen respond with? It isn't what you think, it is how you respond. Mental illness is in the response. This is what I am getting from television. I am just watching television. Ugliness compounds itself. In this day and age, a physicians blackout is an accomplishment. You are the one that wants evolution. Why should you be surprised about cow birding. Sooner or later, you stop playing the game to win.  I guess I am just not lead role material. It was more than just chat. It was a real thing to me. I vaguely remember something about you being at Kings Dominion. The word handyman came up several times today It is a mathmatical definition It is like saying you dont need zero If I am doing more harm than good, let this be finished. call it the app room I remember the 22nd I still don't t...

perform random acts of kindness share beautiful things I didn't come back from where I left Isn't it enough that somewhere there is a family whose loved one never returned? They want me to make time. They think time is going to end. There is no significance The question has been answered already There are benefits to loosing that are not richly understood. My mind went through a traumatic experience, so it created YZAX find someone who has one and pummel them to death If it aint safe for do nothings it aint safe for anybody We need to keep this excercise alive. What will happen if we need to start all over. You look like Anton Levay. The trick is getting Sunday to do it. time exists cause something was thrown away

How would you recognize the beginning? and what would happen if it didn't happen? They think they decide and they don't. They are forever giving us second chances and don't even know it. It would keep coming back and you would never know it. I aint going for the endless second chance. those are the effects of probability It doesn't have to be that way I have already been instructed in that arena. the truth makes people delusional Psychiatry is not about truth. Psychiatry is about law and order Anything good can wait I know it can't be had. I will settle for being a chronomaly If I can't have it for myself, maybe I can have it for somebody else. The choice is already mine and I need to give it to somebody. If there isn't a heaven, I will make one. It is called consolidation of choice. The universe would not work if choice had free reign. People lead structured dependent lives. You are really bucking the system if you don...

The only thing real about this life, is it doesn't stop when you want it to. Maybe she can change it, but she has to stop it first. Nothing it needs to settle out. I am spellbound I don't know. Needless to say she doesn't see the savior of western civilization. I know because I needed to know. Why were you hiding it from me? That type of stuff is being observed, and they are not getting away with it. Anyone can have a conversation with themselves, that they think is about themselves but its not. It is like wet liver. In schizophrenia it breaks down. You start acting out. If you are a single neuron in someones brain, the idea of a human being may be a little radical. The words want to live and grow. They don't care who wrote them. Our desire to pin it to someone is just another bottleneck. I represent our first world independence. That is what the monkeys had before they saw the obelisk. I am the last one to be cycled, and the syst...

Don't worry about who's system you are in. Feed the children. Deloris is right. We are spending thousands on frivolous stuff and the children aren't getting fed. I can see why law and order people have problems with this shit. I hope it need not happen again. He said he was on the other side of 2 nines. Radiohead says within a week. That or anonymous has an earthquake machine. Words are alive. Words are viral. We are completely different people than we would be without words. We can't fight words, they we given to us by our parents. There is a feral entity in all of us. They are stupid. They don't think right. All they had to do was play some nintendo. I thought they understood. They take advantage of every little loophole they can find. They think it is a brain contest. We are always at war. Peace is a bourgeois illusion. Hell with it. I will go to New Orleans by myself if I have to. This is what proof does. and this is the proof of it. In my mind this world needed...

because you can't get phrases like "average inner thought" the regular way He doesn't know he is moving the sun across the sky. To him its just a ball of dung. Not only is it a ball of dung, but he has it all wrong. How can you tell me it is no good? It is my whole life. People who fool around with reverse speech do not live happy normal lives I guess the odds are better I am not a real person I haven't accomplished anything. It's all fabricated. Take a wrong turn at every intersection and see where you end up You want action? Make a movie. The whole thing is going to turn into a flip flop and the whole thing is going to flip and flop. We need to work under the assumption it is already happening. You need to wait until things are extremely forgotten, then things will re write themselves I trust that time will flow through this circuit again someday. I am never going to believe it It is never going to happen for me. I don't know about that guy behind you. H...

He is letting me do this crazy stuff cause it is over, you stupid jerks Christ's message was not about winning. It was about empathy and tolerance. What do you want? A gold medal that says you are better than everyone else? She was in a groundhog day and didn't think there would be any consequence If you aren't part of the crowd mentality there is something wrong with you. I don't have to cross the Mississippi anymore I can do it right here. I am operating under the assumption we are being averaged. I feel it is my duty to give you headaches. I find it far more plausible that I caused the big bang than that I used to be a musician and can't remember because of ECT If we all got together and tied a big knot these spirits would leave us alone. That is what is going to happen anyway. Some people take great pride in the failure of an individual. The worst part about having schizophrenia is how offensive it is to other people. I shall mourn than. We are in a fight to sta...

I will let it be your choice generous. I must not feel happy. This is not the place for me to be happy. Why do you demand this of me? In the absence of divine authority, we have imprisoned ourselves. Only the damned show mercy. Forgetting is the key to the whole damn thing. You need to be now for it to work, and it isn't easy being now. I am giving the old tests to everybody. They think they are better because they understand and you don't. I would never want to be accused of hiding anything. They are not interested in the human condition. They think they are the karma police. You think you have a monopoly on that sort of thing? I submit that I had already taken a more stringent test and passed. What basis in reality does that test even have? Even if it did happen, and I can't confirm for myself that it did. That was Martin Luther's ghost scaring the shit out of you. There was a nest that was created, but someone came along and cowbirded the nest. The past was uncertain...

we don't see the world as it is we see it as our mind allows us to This world is precious. It would be selfish of me to do that. There are 5 people in this world and I am one of them. We love David. We keep giving him gifts and he wont use them. We told him it is not polite but he won't listen. Let us blur the line so we can tell a story. This is not about the consequence. David is the consequence. David is an answer. David is a reflection of ourselves. He has said it before. We are the ones who need a solution, not him. Because I don't understand paragraphs, They seem so arbitrary. If I didn't have to use people, I would have done it already. I am just an obstacle to her. Someone to be gotten rid of. She hired pest control to bring me down. He was a bad shepherd. It was divine providence. I thought you wanted a Camaro. Handshakes and bottlenecks do not mix. let the actors handle it There must be something more if they were willing to let this happen Why should I? You a...

you have to wait for it to find you you can not force it What should we do about a government masquarading as a religion? They see freedom of religion as a weakness and they want to expolit it. If we let them do that, we will have to admit something is wrong with the constitution. I haven't been voting because I am afraid time will follow me. It is an insult, and they know it is an insult, they are trying to sway opinion. they know what this shit is for. if you can't do it if you try, then don't try just do it. It can come to you. It can fall in your lap. Truth happens because people need it. demons have no purpose but to make us hungry and afraid. I know what happened. but I don't know if that frog is going to sing for anyone else. I have little concern for rank and privledge. It is the people I am worried about. I think she died of a heartache in her sleep. There is nothing better than a girl who would run away with you. I am warning you. Handshakes are going to break...

fall into a book Arrogance is the closest you can get to infinity. I had a bad experience so I romanticized everything. The universe loves broken hearts. Will someone please lead me out of this place? I can't help you are on Narnia's shit list. Maybe they are the ones who won't leave you alone. that I don't remember is one explanation. That it hasn't happened yet is another. This is what happens when you attempt to corner the market on misery. If you can't tell the difference between what you don't remember and what hasn't happened yet, truth is misery. All these people are dead. I am trying to teach them how to float, and they think I am the lifeless one. I can't help it if people liked the world better when it was flat. Reality is not a vacumm. There are tides and rivers. There is a lot of mud, and I don't know if there is a place before the mud.

you can't give up on a correlation it is with you till the end I don't mean to be any trouble, but I can't pack my bags and say I don't want to correlate anymore It is just going to hang up on somebody else. It hangs up, deal with it. The story is making a story at the same time a story is being told. There is great consternation that I get away with it. It is like being mad at Huckleberry Finn, cause he is in the book and you are not. I can't do anything cause I trust God. If I trust God then I should let him take care of it. I didn't trust God, and I took it into my own hands. That is exactly what the devil wants you to do. He knows he can defeat you. He gave them a magic equation they could all make money on, and somebody busted it. I have done enough already. If we took that kind of know how and put it into hard science, we would be on pluto by now. You don't need a God? Then be smart enough to manage yourselves I can cause chaos but I cant take any dire...

we got into an argument about what was going to happen 25 years out and she was saying I needed to get help cause I was going to end up a child molester and I was like no I am not and she was like yes you will you don't know what you will be like 25 years from now and I was like neither do you I don't remember it vividly It is funny something like that can effect your whole life. They set the whole thing up for me to have a nervous breakdown that they figured was going to happen anyway and it caused the big bang Can I at least be remembered as the person where psychiatry and physics ran into each other? Why wouldn't we be at the center of everything? Are we not good enough? people don't remember the hard drive made microsoft what is going to happen? Is time going to stop when we get flung out? It hasn't happened yet and they don't know they are us. HD is a tv be careful using escalators with those newfangled shoes I know it is confusing. I didn't return from...

mistakes are being forced and I am not doing it. I imagine a magic bus, where you have put and unput. You can't win with these dickheads. They think they are doing us a favor. I don't know why I started walking away. What if the lhc is beyond the capabilities of the simulation we are in? What if this is just a ride at disneyworld, or a university course? I was suspicious something would happen on May 1st. I purposefully decided not to act. I don't know about God, but something is determined to see us fail in life. I am stone. I cannot change. You keep yourselves by keeping me. I am sorry. You should have told me about that earlier. I can't help you if you won't talk about it. The simulation busts. The simulation is designed to be busted. Mabus stands for magic bus Some type of computer architecture. if everything is a simulation what is a simulation? That we have survived is evidence that we will survive? The magic bus is the holy grail of our time. There is one tha...

The only thing that keeps me here is a lie I make to myself. They understand. They just don't want to do it that way. I found hope in Goochland. This is hope in Goochland. I am no longer lost in Goochland. I saw the guy in purgatory before. It was shown to me so I would know where I was when I got there. It is some kind of barometer. Hide this from the public and it will be on your head. There is nothing to friggen fix. They don't want it to friggen work. There are no aliens here cause Dave is xenophobic. Even evildoers will be seen to have participated in God's plan. Freedom isn't free. Free just means you don't cost anything. Make an illegal U-turn. My hypothesis is... My brain has rewired itself into some resemblance of hydrogen. It is not that unlikely. This is a can happen. A fractal collider? Would 1 over 1 make any more sense? What would make sense? How do you know what doesn't make sense if you don't have an expectation of what would? Maybe it doesn...

getting you to believe things aren't real is the first step to murder. You are better off giving Jesus 2 dollars and tell him thank you. I guess it is the only word in their vocabulary that would signify useless drivel. I want to believe people understand the issues. Apparently they don't. I am the last one fighting for the shit, you God damn morons. How can I let go thinking I am the only one? A woman can't hold it. It is something only a man can do. what is a universal mutation? If it is universal how do you know its a mutation? We are governed by what MUST happen. Not what can happen or will happen. They think they can force me to remember shit that never took place. I can't see clearly if I did or didn't. Allison brought it home and I was contemptueos as I recall it. That is to say for us I believe what can happen or will happen is governed by what must happen. Now I understand what the free will debate is about. doesn't anyone else consider it strange the w...

The veracity of it does not matter. I have lost touch with reality and it is never coming back. Women see patterns men don't readily see. I guess I am setting off all sorts of alarms. I know there is something wrong with me but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like the whole world has gone nuts. The powers that be don't want us to think this way It isn't our job, so they call it delusional. Truth is, you can make some valid connections this way. This is what happens when you fall out of step, and go for the banana. Happy birthday. The only way out of this mess is to avoid it for a while. It is called a monkey amplifier. It makes it easier for them to write Moby Dick. Monkey amplification would imply denominator reduction which would imply a variable speed of light kept in check by monkey mass? In some species temperature determines sex. It is not what we think, it is how we think. It sounds delusional because you don't think that way. Monkey text is the extraordin...

I think she did it on purpose. I think she doesn't like you. You are going to have to let me go. You are going to have to make peace with her. You are going to have to wait your turn and hope you get it right next time. I tried to tell you but you wouldn't stop. It didn't happen until you dug it up. God doesn't dig. Don't you think God already knows? Satan does that crap. You are screwing up. You have left me no choice but to avoid you. Don't you think it is a little weird that almost every adult in my life is screwing me over? Satan is doing this crap. I don't want to do this. The one that is going to be completely lost hasn't done anything. I am not going to stay in her life if she doesn't want me there. I don't want to be like this anymore. Why did you become involved? All I get from you is hurt. Somewhere in there there is a 17 year old who is mortified by all of this. I think that would kill me if I tried it again. DO RAY ME FA SO LA TEE DO ...

Everything is hard. Don't give up on your dreams because it is hard. I crossed into this netherworld because you ignored me. I made the mistake of thinking things were easy. If I knew everything was hard, I might have taken a different path. A discipline is a discipline, and they are all hard. Don't go into something thinking you can skate. It never works out that way. Not only do people resent the fact you are skating, but you can't control what God throws at you. When people are struggling for a "C", and you are settling for zeroes, they can get pretty mad at you. Skating isn't allowed. If you are skating, God is going to throw something at you. I wish there was something I could say to bring you back into my life. I don't understand how you can deny me. I will survive without you. I will remember this denial. I have already left my mark. It is not something I worry about. This drive that I am supposed to have and I don't, is because it has already h...