The Strawberry Club

What motivates me?
I must really think I am somebody to get into this kind of trouble.

If every decision splits into a parallel universe,
What happens to the Sun?
What happens in Andromeda?
These are serious questions.

Anything that can happen has already happened,
and you really have to bust the odds for shit like that to happen.

It is like rouge waves,
It is real,
It happens.

There is a difference between what can take place,
what will take place,
and what must take place.
It is a power that makes hydrogen bombs look like tinker toys.

Quit on a holiday.
Years later it will be easier to remember what day you quit.

I don't like this new doctor.
This medicine lights me up like a Christmas tree,
and she is in complete denial about it.

Why is it automatically my fault?
She is the friggen doctor.
You want me off my damn meds?
God forbid something happen and I can't get my clozaril.
You will see what it is like without them.
you wont mistake me for not being on my meds anymore.
If I am off my meds you are going to friggen know it.
and its all yalls damn fault.

It is that friggen bad damn it
and you are in complete denial about it.

I told you what happened and you don't friggen believe me.
You are going to know it when I am off my meds.
Everybody is going to know it.
Pray that I can continue to get my medicine.
Pray really hard.

Here I am scared to death that I might miss my medicine,
and they don't think I am taking the damn shit.

I am a clozaril ghost.
jesus cant you friggen see that?

I am legitimately concerned about my medication
and yall think I am not taking it.
It is an insult.

Sometimes "why" feeds on itself and causes disasters.

I hope I am not the only one who learns that shit.

It aint going to be easy.
I aint going to let you have the satisfaction of it being easy with me.

I want us to learn something.

This shit is messy.
People's souls get wasted over this shit.

You are never going to understand it
in the manner you understand things.

The more decisions you make
the more you are able to make.
Decisions should open you up,
not narrow you down.

Wow,
I need to stop picking my nose.

In the middle of it all two pretty girls took me to the movies.
What more could a guy ask for?
I guess I am screwy.

They think I am in denial about being gay,
and that God is a figment of my imagination.

I say I was never given the opportunity
to make up my own mind about it.

No you don't understand assholes,
this ball started rolling in 1978.

I would much rather get caught up in a woman that doesn't love me,
than suck somebody's dick and take it up the ass.

Please forgive me
My sexuality is fucked up.
I don't know anything else.

I thought ten years was enough.

It is one thing to be obsessed with someone.
It is a whole other thing to think that person loves you.
It is a slippery slope.
I could have gotten in serious trouble.
I chose to play it safe.

I did not want to say goodbye,
I really thought she loved me.
I was on a slippery slope.
I chose to put the ball in her court.
I never though in a hundred years it would end up this way.

She got herself involved by keeping me on the air,
by having that conversation with me.
She remembers it.
I'm spotty.

There is shit happening that I don't remember.

The way her rules go,
I guess I am not supposed to put the ball in her court like that.
I am not big on rules.
I want her to take a risk.
I want her to show vulnerability.
The way her rules go,
She aint supposed to do that I guess.
It leads to a bad relationship.
I really thought she loved me.
I never thought this would happen in a hundred years.

I guess She believes in rules.
I guess She follows rules.
I don't.
I guess she thinks,
if we don't do it the right way,
it would lead to an abusive relationship.
Maybe she is right, I don't know.

Does she feel for me at all?
I am this way because it is safe.
It is safe to want someone you can't have.

I am not playing by the rules.
I don't know there are any rules.
Mother Nature doesn't listen.
Father Time doesn't care.

The question is...
Can we be under time reversal and not know it?

If everything has already happened,
it isn't an issue of changing anything,
it is an issue of moving from one to the other.

Like I said,
it is easier to do something you didn't do,
than to undo something you did.
Of course from her perspective,
I have already done it.
I may never know what I did that I didn't do,
but it has clearly happened.

They can't give me a B.
It is unfair to those that did their homework.

I don't know.
To me it seems there would be enormous energy in our decisions
that is just not there.

Its not like I had a credit card.
I would have had to go out of my way,
and I just don't remember it.
In fact it is something that I remember distinctly not doing.

Do I just not remember it,
or did it not happen?
This is a question that happens to a lot of people.
The result?
We couldn't be more separated if there were a brick wall.

Where does all that decision energy go?
Why don't we see it?

This is what happens to people like us.
We get stuck singing to each other.

Rule #12
Time travelers don't do their homework.
If he wants to do his homework,
who am I to tell him no?

Purposefully not doing something is an open door.

I don't know
we deal with odds of a billion to one all the time,
and we don't see decision energy.
At some point it throws a breaker
I don't know where it trips.

My advice?
If you don't want a wall between you and the people you love,
don't fool around with it.

It causes a blip on his radar.
It gets his attention.
Like something funky growing in the petri dish.

God is a reality some people don't want to wake up to.

They are having too much fun playing sick jokes on each other.

I guess my burning Revelation was a distress call.
It brought God into my life.

I know better than to take on God.
Responsibility is the worse thing that can happen to you.

You don't have to burn Revelation.
If you are in distress,
put a loaf of bread in the microwave.

Everyone needs a distress call.

Even Pookie bites my toes when I forget to feed him.

A fight broke out
and someone knocked me over the head with a chair.