Comfortable Place In Purgatory

There really is one that keeps going

And I am not sure I want to be that one anymore.

It is going to keep me out of heaven.

I guess I am still a kid.

I may put $5 down once a month or so.

It isn’t worth spending a lot of money.

Some people see this meerkat stuff, and others don’t.

I am not going to force it. If it comes it comes.

I have a rasp in my voice that comes from not using it.

I guess I will just make music, and wait for the lyrics to come.

I can see how people get addicted to this.

If Willie Nelson can just talk, I guess I can too.

It isn’t the ideal situation, but I can deal with it.

I would be partners with someone who could write and sing.

I have a hard time loving myself. It just doesn’t feel right to me.

People get paid good money to come up with words and names and stuff.

I guess I am a self absorbed person that hates himself.

I wish I had more upper body strength,

I wish I could run,

I wish I wasn’t so fat,

I would like to be a more virile person.

Just a good airman, you know?

I guess I need to learn to just accept myself.

I feel like I am some boogeyman that she created.

Thank you for welcoming me to Hip Hop.

The way I remember it, I said if people were going to argue about it, I wasn’t going to play.

Mom said that never happened.

They did buy me a keyboard when I was 21,

But like I said I played it for years and got nowhere.

It is strange that this has occurred after they both have passed,

But I am not angry at them or blame them.

It just happened that way.

I don’t get lyrics every day. It is probably going to be a rare thing.

Some people wrap themselves up in the rules. It makes them comfortable.

Some people don’t care if they are a good airman or not.

A lot of people would be like, “put a bullet in my head”

I need to be prepared.  This might be a one time thing.

I believe in ufo’s.  But I think we are smart enough to make transistors, and fiber optics.

I am playing patience.

I heard the negative first.

He watches what you do, and he will do what you show him to do.

If you play free cell, and freely undo stuff, that is what he is going to do.

I am not sure what yzax is telling him to do.  Maybe he is telling me something.

Maybe it helps me find a frequency.

I don’t like it when people use the word energy or frequency that way,

But I can’t think of a better word.

It is hard to have your own connection, there is so much noise.

It is difficult for me to pull something out of a dream. I haven’t honed the skill.

It is a shame I don’t write and sing, some of these could be good songs.

Are things going to move to this?

I don’t really like Whether Or Not, watch that be the one everyone likes.

I was deciding whether or not I was going to use live loops,

And what genre I was going to do.

That “I’m weird” stuff was in the loop like that.

Do they get musicians to sit down and make these loops?

I don’t have a lot of control over what the final product is, but it sounds okay.

I had heard that “I’m weird” before, and I wanted to make it longer,

but I couldn’t get it to work, thankfully I ran across it again.

I was spending 10 or 15 hours a week in GarageBand,

You are going to discover stuff.

It is my TikTok.

I have to pace myself, or I would spend all day in it.

I hope they ain’t just sending me on an ego trip.

Back when I started this, it was called spam.

Now, on twitter, a lot of people do it.

I think things may become more or less surreal,

As we pass through the galactic plane.

I think people follow me, and get ideas, and make millions.

There might be seasons where we feel the “heat” of the Big Bang, like summer and fall.

It is just an idea, I don’t know how or why.

We might think it is an individual, but they are just the dust things crystallized around.

My nephew has millions of views over at TikTok, and it hasn’t affected him much.

I wonder how they make Apple loops, do they get musicians in a studio?

Can time collapse the way photons do?

You can seed a cloud and make it rain.

I guess this writing and singing stuff, I just going to have to do it myself, I am doing everything else.

I been there for over 20 years.  Why should I go somewhere else now?  It isn’t going to change my life anyway.

I started with GarageBand in 2018, so four years of continuous use.  That is about right.

Being on soundclick since 2001 seems like a long time, but there was like 10 years where I didn’t post anything.

I didn’t have no time for myself.  Jasmine was over here constantly. Bless her soul.

It may crystallize around an individual, but it is something that was going to happen anyway.

One time, many years ago,  I went on a road trip by myself, and I remember stopping at Wendy’s.

When she was around, it was nice having someone to go to Wendy’s with.

We did a lot of road trips together,  that was our thing.

I am going to continue to call things loose and organic, because they don’t have a professional feel.

Maybe sophomoric, and amateurish, but those sound bad and negative.

When you are playing free cell, and undoing freely, it is easy to think they are all solvable.

When you run into one that isn’t solvable, it is going to be a disaster.

Even if it is just extremely difficult, it might be a disaster.

I am happy with the audience I have.  I can deal with this.

A million streams don’t make you a millionaire. All it does is send you on an ego trip.

Seventh Guest was looking for insane people I guess.

How you play the game is what you are telling your subconscious to do.

I understood it was a computer.  I understood it could be programmed to give me a different result.

Did you know “funk” means “radio” in German?

If I can’t understand myself, I leave it that way,  it adds to the art of it.

Some have been around since December.  I wasn’t happy with them, so I waited.

I remember Chuck delivered meds that day,  I hadn’t even seen him in months.

Now the lyrics are loose and organic.

Don’t be surprised if tomorrow is a day.

I don’t know why Brannon is going to testify, if he is being charged anyway.

People hear what they hear.  That is part and parcel.

The lyrics get stepped on by the music, and people hear words you didn’t write.

People ain’t going to understand what I say anyway.

They may listen to it over and over to hear what I am saying.

People hear stuff when I don’t say anything.

Just some lyrics I had lying around. I don’t have anymore, and I don’t get them everyday.

I understand why actors practice their diction.

My voice is messed up from not using it.

I am going to listen to hip hop more. I call it hip hop because of the loops I am using.

I had to decide what kind of music I was going to make, and I really don’t care for electronica.

You don’t necessarily make what you listen to.

It wouldn’t be the first time I sunk myself.

I am not spending hundreds of dollars to go on an ego trip.

If you count the price of the internet, maybe I already am.

My quality may have improved, but a lot of people are doing it, and it’s not crazy wonderful.

It ain’t Jay-Z or Kanye West.

I am watching my email.

I have The Chronic on vinyl. I have recently acquired some Bohannon. I like listening to Funk on Amazon music.

That is a great value that Amazon music.

Who the heck would have WWG1WGA tattooed on their back.  That person has definitely had too much lead.

My lyrics are gibberish, they don’t make sense, and people don’t understand me.

I like soundclick.  I am going to stay there for now.  But I wish there were more regular people over there.

If I could bring people there, it would be good for everyone.

I am literally the old white guy that has been in the neighborhood for decades

I need to be grateful that I have exposure that other people don’t have.

I have an acquaintance that thinks he wrote all the Beatles.

You see? It isn’t supposed to change to begin with.

If John says it has to be free, I guess it has to be free.  I guess I vowed poverty somewhere along the line.

No one will have any idea this ever happened. Someone needs to be convinced to let go of it.

I just keep going, and I feel there is nothing I can do about it.

Listening to my own music is becoming part of the creative process.

Maybe in the future I will do one side with and the other without,

Like the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer album. I love that album.  Sometimes I will play it in July.

I guess I will have to make my own videos too.

Sometimes you can get absorbed in stuff, and think it is a lot better.

He knows I won’t let him say some shit, so he sneaks words in there that sound like what he wants to say.

I think it is about oral sex, and not getting love from the music.

As I listen to it I hear different stuff, some of which I never would have said.

I heard, “she asked me once, she called me an asshole.”

I am a horrible, miserable, white guy.

It’s about making a clear break from the past, and how difficult it is.

If YouTube says I got 5 views, I guess that’s what I got.  It doesn’t seem that way.

You should always strive to create as opposed to just making something.

It is new to me and I ain’t copying nobody.

I am in this situation where I have to do everything, I don’t know how it got this way.

I probably have more people that can’t stand me, than I do followers or fans.

I could make seriously good shit and it wouldn’t get nowhere.

Considering I am doing it all myself on a glorified phone device.

I didn’t imagine computers would be handheld and merge with television and telephones.

I guess I come across as an arrogant self absorbed asshole.

I am thinking about the next person.  I want people to think twice.

I would do more promotion, but I am worried they are just sending me on an ego trip.

Part of it is just letting it happen, just being yourself.

Money is grand, but it can send you on an ego trip, and if you don’t fear God, you can get in trouble.

You may find a comfortable place in purgatory, but it won’t last.

Do they have to pay Steve Bannon every time they show that mug?

There were dragonflies everywhere today.

The situation is hellish but you ain’t burning in hell forever.

I think we are going to get a reprieve from this heat. But if we don’t do nothing it is going to come back and stay.

A Completely Different Day

Things changed when I stopped smoking.

I have become more political.

If this is what people are going to do,

We would be better off if people smoked.

Maybe everyone could take Prozac.

I stopped smoking in 2008.

I can’t believe I spend $100 for the privilege of watching CNN.

If that is going to be all I watch, I need to get rid of it.

He is sick, but he has money, so he gets away with it,

And that makes him a hero to some people.

The more he gets away with it, the bigger a hero he becomes.

If you read this blog, you can tell when I stopped smoking,

You can tell when I was watching FOX News,

You can tell when I switched to CNN.

You are probably going to be able to tell when they switched me to Sustenna. 

You don’t have as much control over the final product,

As you might have if you actually played.

There are some things that are not for me,

But I don’t feel the need to infringe on anyone.

Plan b should definitely be legal.

All embryos do not implant themselves in the womb.

I think

For some people it takes years to get pregnant,

Even if they aren’t using birth control.

I don’t think it is a mistake,

That Liz Cheney has a state wide office.

https://secularprolife.org/2018/12/nearly-half-of-all-fertilized-eggs-fail/

I think it is clear, life does not begin at fertilization.

How little people actually have their own opinions, perplexes me.

How many people have the opinion CNN or FOX news tell them to have?

It is going to be a question, whether congress has the right,

To codify Roe vs. Wade, without an amendment.

It would be nice, if people listened to my music the way I do.

When did the news become, politics, politics, politics?

People that follow politics like that are just plain nuts.

What happened to baby Jessica?

I watch it with my headphones on, and the captions running.

I can’t stop watching, I have gotten addicted, so I fight it as best I can.

It doesn’t matter what brand you smoke, you are still smoking.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201611/why-politics-makes-people-crazy

It is shameful.  It sells car insurance.  We are all insane.  Will we survive this?

People like live television, or radio for that matter.

It has an immediacy to it, you feel more involved.

I watch it because it is live.

I would watch a channel that was live, that wasn’t politics.

Siri requires the internet to work right.

I am clearly getting targeted stuff.

If people’s opinions aren’t being reflected in who is elected,

Who’s fault is that?

People may need live tv, it may be giving them something.

Maybe it gives you some sort of contact recorded tv doesn’t.

People are slowly coming around.

Things aren’t always empirical.

There is evidence for the bizarre.

I thought I might be able to get people to come to soundclick,

But I think I have people coming from soundclick.

Coming up with a name like Facebook or YouTube is half the battle.

There is a difference between what you do on Earth and what you do on the Moon or Mars.

It is creation that allows us to have this empirical mentality.

Funk and Disco reminds me of roller skating.

If anyone wanted my advice on using GarageBand,

I would tell them to treat it like roller skating.

You look stupid, and you fall down a lot.

These flex and flow loops are better than the regular hip hop loops.

You need to create.

Digital Hygiene is not just about the computer.

If there is only so many hotels to be bought,

That changes the whole game.

Every time we make gains in the minimum wage, we have inflation.

If you find a place where it’s 30 cents cheaper,

Buy an extra gallon.

I keep having dreams I am in purgatory,

And once I realize I am dead it stops.

If I keep it in the center, it makes the bass fuzzy.

I might do another 7 or 8 songs this way,

But eventually I need to start experimenting again.

I don’t like Trump,

But I don’t think we would be in a proxy war over Ukraine,

And I don’t think gas would be so expensive.

The Russian military is going to be better because of the Ukrainian war.

They are seeing western tactics and equipment.

They are going to be better than they would have been.

I miss the days when I could buy a double gulp refill for 90 cents.

I don’t think they even have double gulps anymore.

Everything is directional with headphones,

But typically, the higher the frequency, the more directional it is.

I guess it can be easy to get bored with GarageBand.

The only thing I remember about government,

Is I got a D because I said the parliamentarian system was better.

I think Richmond would boom if we had rail service like Japan.

I used to drive all over town going to thrift stores every day I was up.

I can’t do that anymore.

If I am going to pick up a guitar,

I am going to learn as much as I can in the meantime.

Sooner or later I am going to get bored.

I am lazy.  I cannot force myself to play guitar. 

I know a lot about the keyboard now and I don’t play that.

The iPad fits me.

I tell her to set an alarm sometimes,

But I don’t like talking to the computer.

I like 3/4 time, it is skippy.

As long as I am making a contribution, I can deal with it.

The world has gotten too small to do something different in America.

I can’t get my words and my music to go together.

I can’t have everything, but it seems some people do.

We have a mental illness plague, because of lead and other chemicals,

I am telling you.

I don’t think the founders considered,

Everyone would be insane because of lead.

I hope our nation, our democracy survives this, but I am not sure.

The skips are different when you play it backwards.

Like I said, nobody notices because it is just the new normal.

We need to come around, we need to admit there is a problem.

America did it to itself.

We knew lead was dangerous, but we put it in the gasoline anyway,

Because it made more money.

My generation was raised with that shit.

There are probably a dozen other chemicals that are doing the same thing,

But nobody seems to be concerned but me.

We still fight each other.

We can’t even agree to disagree.

I am stricken.  I am missing my other half.

It is a situational hell.

Reading about music theory is like reading about physics.

You have to find the root questions.

I understand what a third is,

But how that has anything to do with the formula,

I don’t understand.

There are two types of thirds, okay I didn’t know that.

It is amazing what bing knows.

I like that I can ask it questions, and it doesn’t get frustrated or angry with me.

I thought a third was just three semitones, but apparently it is not.

It is the third note in the scale. And with the minor scale it is “flat”

https://www.musictheory.education/music-theory-level-3/ch-3-5-major-and-minor-third

There are some things I will never be able to do,

But that won’t stop me asking questions.

I never gave a thought to what a minor scale was,

E minor just meant I could play white notes.

I am never going to be able to listen to a piece of music and know what key it is in.

I am never going to be able to hear something in my head,

And sit down at the piano and play it.

I have a hard time doing the math to play black keys.

I thought I could stick with E minor and not worry about it.

I knew how to cut and paste music before GarageBand,

But it is ridiculously simple with GarageBand.

Everything snaps together like LEGOs.

And I can snip things down to a single beat if I want to.

Now with multiple sections 

I can copy phrases and repeat or alternate them

I have never been able to do that easily before.

Somebody is going to kill hundreds.

I am starting with live loops, then I scramble it and add stuff.

GarageBand and Audacity are two completely different things.

When I have two things with a similar range,

I move one slightly to the left, and the other slightly to the right.

They don’t step on each other as much.

Not bass, I try to keep drums and bass in the center.

I am the last person to give advice on stuff like that,

But that’s what I am doing.

Something about the name Dave,

You wouldn’t say Super Jim or Meglojohn.

A purgatory that is stitched to the bang, is still a purgatory.

A situational hell is a situational hell,

It matters little if there is a floor or not.

It is not what the bulk of the salad is made of.

I had a keyboard for years and nothing happened, I got nowhere.

I don’t know why this iPad affects me, it just does. Why does there need to be a reason?

I am a severely disorganized person.

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/7-signs-of-disorganized-behavior-and-how-it-can-affect-you/

I don’t enjoy it.

There is nothing wrong with tomatoes.

I just wish there was a market for it.

I may not feel as strongly as other people, but I do have emotions. 

Shocked, angry, sad, depressed.

That is the thing about psychology,

It seems to be the one thing everyone thinks they are an expert about.

You wake up to it every day, It is always there, It never fails.

You might be better off it it did fail, but it doesn’t.

That is what I meant by “stitched to the bang”

Have you ever given any thought as to why it is always there?

Is it always there for you?

Or is that just me.

I guess I am just completely blind in that respect.

There is no real reason why it should always be there.

It came from some country music DJ,

Who said women in country music, were like tomatoes in a salad.

I identify with that.

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/keith-hill-women-tomatoes-in-salad-country-music-new-blog

I have tried to fit in and contribute, but people are like meerkats.

I labeled a post Tomatoes Tomatoes Tomatoes, not knowing what it was about,

And it has gotten a minor number of views recently.

I would be thankful to be in rotation at all.

I used to think it better if it was stitched to the bang,

But I guess it’s not.

I feel others are having a completely different day.