we don't see the world as it is
we see it as our mind allows us to

This world is precious.
It would be selfish of me to do that.

There are 5 people in this world and I am one of them.
We love David.
We keep giving him gifts and he wont use them.
We told him it is not polite but he won't listen.

Let us blur the line so we can tell a story.

This is not about the consequence.
David is the consequence.

David is an answer.
David is a reflection of ourselves.

He has said it before.
We are the ones who need a solution, not him.

Because I don't understand paragraphs,
They seem so arbitrary.

If I didn't have to use people,
I would have done it already.

I am just an obstacle to her.
Someone to be gotten rid of.

She hired pest control to bring me down.

He was a bad shepherd.
It was divine providence.

I thought you wanted a Camaro.

Handshakes and bottlenecks do not mix.

let the actors handle it

There must be something more
if they were willing to let this happen

Why should I?
You are not the most approachable person on earth,

I don't entertain myself with psychiatry.

I don't care that this has never happened before,
this shouldn't happen to anybody.

If I had what I was worth things wouldn't be this way.

Configuration is not enough.
Things need to be made whole.
Things need to be understandable.

The proof paradox

you have to wait for it to find you
you can not force it

What should we do about a government
masquarading as a religion?

They see freedom of religion as a weakness
and they want to expolit it.

If we let them do that,
we will have to admit
something is wrong with the constitution.

I haven't been voting
because I am afraid time will follow me.

It is an insult,
and they know it is an insult,
they are trying to sway opinion.
they know what this shit is for.

if you can't do it if you try,
then don't try just do it.

It can come to you.
It can fall in your lap.

Truth happens because people need it.

demons have no purpose but to make us hungry and afraid.

I know what happened.
but I don't know if that frog is going to sing for anyone else.

I have little concern for rank and privledge.
It is the people I am worried about.

I think she died of a heartache in her sleep.

There is nothing better
than a girl who would run away with you.

I am warning you.
Handshakes are going to break down.

What kind of universe would you live in
if you could prove something like that?

That is what happens when you hang proof around someone's neck.
It causes paradox.

Before the Mud

fall into a book

Arrogance is the closest you can get to infinity.

I had a bad experience
so I romanticized everything.

The universe loves broken hearts.

Will someone please lead me out of this place?

I can't help you are on Narnia's shit list.
Maybe they are the ones who won't leave you alone.

that I don't remember is one explanation.
That it hasn't happened yet is another.
This is what happens
when you attempt to corner the market on misery.

If you can't tell the difference
between what you don't remember
and what hasn't happened yet,
truth is misery.

All these people are dead.
I am trying to teach them how to float,
and they think I am the lifeless one.

I can't help it
if people liked the world better when it was flat.

Reality is not a vacumm.
There are tides and rivers.

There is a lot of mud,
and I don't know if there is a place before the mud.

The Me Diploma

you can't give up on a correlation
it is with you till the end

I don't mean to be any trouble,
but I can't pack my bags
and say I don't want to correlate anymore

It is just going to hang up on somebody else.
It hangs up, deal with it.

The story is making a story
at the same time a story is being told.

There is great consternation that I get away with it.
It is like being mad at Huckleberry Finn,
cause he is in the book and you are not.

I can't do anything cause I trust God.
If I trust God then I should let him take care of it.

I didn't trust God, and I took it into my own hands.
That is exactly what the devil wants you to do.
He knows he can defeat you.

He gave them a magic equation they could all make money on,
and somebody busted it.
I have done enough already.

If we took that kind of know how
and put it into hard science,
we would be on pluto by now.

You don't need a God?
Then be smart enough to manage yourselves

I can cause chaos
but I cant take any directed action

Causing the big bang?
well that is something that is going to be said one day

I reeled it out and reeled it in
and that is what is going to happen.

My game function is screwed up.
They don't consider me one of them.
They want me to live a normal life.

I am some kind of fluke
who didn't come by it deservedly.

I can't do it in real time.
I need to lay there and think about it.

Nowadays its when you don't get press
is when you know something is wrong.

It is where this thing is ending up

this shit is either dangerous
or i am seriously pissing someone off

It doesn't exist except for me.

I am troubled by your philosophy.
I cannot serve two masters.
If this is the way it is then so be it.

Sometimes you end up in hell
because you had to make tough decisions

You read it,
You put it down,
and you don't come back to it until you have forgotten everything

maybe I am acting like I am not Adam.

Maybe they can't sit back and watch
as we waste our potential.

What would you do
if you found the big bang on a planet like this?

Hang in there Generous

It was a brief window,
but it isn't going to stay like that.

Stingy delights in driving me crazy,
she thinks I am stupid.

I find myself with delusions of grandeur for being myself.

I am having problems in this world
because I am not Adam.
I don't know how or why.

Our whole civilization depends on Adam being Adam.

I think they don't know the truth,
but they know what is is like for people to lose it.

Fall out of love with the world,
and it disintegrates into anarchy.

It is about probability.
If you are not born again you are in a transitional state.

we got into an argument
about what was going to happen 25 years out
and she was saying I needed to get help
cause I was going to end up a child molester
and I was like no I am not
and she was like yes you will
you don't know what you will be like 25 years from now
and I was like neither do you
I don't remember it vividly
It is funny something like that can effect your whole life.
They set the whole thing up for me to have a nervous breakdown
that they figured was going to happen anyway
and it caused the big bang

Can I at least be remembered
as the person where psychiatry and physics
ran into each other?

Why wouldn't we be at the center of everything?
Are we not good enough?

people don't remember
the hard drive made microsoft

what is going to happen?
Is time going to stop when we get flung out?

It hasn't happened yet
and they don't know they are us.

HD is a tv
be careful using escalators with those newfangled shoes

I know it is confusing.
I didn't return from where I left at
that doesn't mean I am not real.

We had an intervention didnt we?
Leave me alone, don't bother me.
I am a walking twilight zone
and you are worried about
Just don't talk to me
leave me alone

I apologize
I trust you were attempting to do the right thing
I was having disintegration
I didn't know it could be so literal.

You are going to take this too far
and the door is going to shut on you.
I know where I stand.

This isnt about kids
It is about burning in the event field

Satan doesn't give a crap if you burn in the event field

I had decided to be crazy.
It was an act.
I thought it was cool.
I didn't really think I was Tommy Walker.
I mean I did, but I was detached from it.
I was going to be Chapman or anything.
I knew I had a sensical limit.

I don't love the world.
I don't love myself.
and that is not ok anymore.
It is considered violence.

We are going in reverse without knowing it.
We remain isolated from our greater intellect.

If knowledge portends death,
life is ignorance.

We know our place in the universe.
Human character is denial.

You don't want me to be real.
It makes it easier to shun me.

The whole thing was a marketing gimmick
for the one that owned the machine.

It is called
Rare Obsessional Coherence

Running yzax will make the higgs more observable?

Why not the teenagers are doing it

It isnt the fact they are aliens that concern me
It is balance that concerns me

It is like everything else,
they think if they do it slowly they can get away with it.

dysfunctional afterglow

mistakes are being forced
and I am not doing it.

I imagine a magic bus,
where you have put and unput.

You can't win with these dickheads.
They think they are doing us a favor.

I don't know why I started walking away.

What if the lhc
is beyond the capabilities of the simulation we are in?

What if this is just a ride at disneyworld,
or a university course?

I was suspicious something would happen on May 1st.
I purposefully decided not to act.

I don't know about God,
but something is determined to see us fail in life.

I am stone.
I cannot change.
You keep yourselves by keeping me.

I am sorry.
You should have told me about that earlier.
I can't help you if you won't talk about it.

The simulation busts.
The simulation is designed to be busted.

Mabus stands for magic bus
Some type of computer architecture.

if everything is a simulation
what is a simulation?

That we have survived is evidence that we will survive?

The magic bus is the holy grail of our time.

There is one that keeps on going.
I don't know what else to call him but real.

I agree
it is ridiculous to say it is me
but I keep going and I cant stop

There is something you are missing about the whole thing.

I woke up first.
I played it as if it were a simulation
I played to bust the simulation
before anyone else did.
The universe doesn't care who got published.

I guess I am an oracle now.

I still don't understand.
I guess she did what she felt needed to be done.

This is the dysfunctional afterglow.

They wanted cats screaming
but the spca wounldnt have it

It is about a cat
that took a ride to the fish market every thursday

If what happens here is the same as there
maybe something that happened here did cause the big bang

If clocks slow down,
what about sundials?

I need to leave her alone
she would ruin my life 1000 times
and not think twice about it.

That is not the way it is yet.
We still have time to decide.

There must be many conversations I don't remember.
I know it must be frustrating.

She has a thing.
She sees bad things in people.
She assumes the worst.

It is like shrodinger's cat
The whole sense is being made on things that cannot be observed

You cant put the cat in the box for 25 years
and not have your expectation effect the outcome.

hence it wasnt always like this
you are seeing what you want to see

the minute you set up an inside outside routine
the whole scene changes

I don't know
what was going on changed into a physics experiment

I found a way to replicate
I replicate the whole universe

I just xeroxed the darn thing
I didn't create it.

Hope in Goochland

The only thing that keeps me here
is a lie I make to myself.

They understand.
They just don't want to do it that way.

I found hope in Goochland.
This is hope in Goochland.
I am no longer lost in Goochland.

I saw the guy in purgatory before.

It was shown to me so I would know where I was
when I got there.

It is some kind of barometer.

Hide this from the public and it will be on your head.

There is nothing to friggen fix.
They don't want it to friggen work.

There are no aliens here cause Dave is xenophobic.

Even evildoers
will be seen to have participated in God's plan.

Freedom isn't free.
Free just means you don't cost anything.

Make an illegal U-turn.

My hypothesis is...
My brain has rewired itself into some resemblance of hydrogen.

It is not that unlikely.
This is a can happen.

A fractal collider?

Would 1 over 1 make any more sense?

What would make sense?
How do you know what doesn't make sense
if you don't have an expectation of what would?

Maybe it doesn't matter.
Maybe it is greater than 1 and that is what matters.

The big bang is a blackboard of noise called the noiseboard.

I think this approach will lead to stuff that is doable,
even though some may not agree with it.

He is telling us where to plug in our reverse bias usb.

Why do I see crazy shit like this?

Relativity is called time work.

The time work condition is over unity.

The cookies are just going to pile up
until there is someone to give them to.

because you need time and work to make sense of energy and mass

f=ma is a time work equation e=ir is a time work equation
they are all time work equations
the only thing that can change is time
they think we are stupid
they think we cant see that

division by 0 is time
there is no way to make sense of it without time
time is denominator wait

time is a foolish coward who cant get enough of himself

That is the way the cookie crumbles.
Go feed the birds.

I have had enough of myself.
I want to go home.

Can't beat it with a stick.

Myopic intellectual dysentary

getting you to believe things aren't real
is the first step to murder.
You are better off giving Jesus 2 dollars
and tell him thank you.

I guess it is the only word in their vocabulary
that would signify useless drivel.

I want to believe people understand the issues.
Apparently they don't.

I am the last one fighting for the shit,
you God damn morons.

How can I let go thinking I am the only one?

A woman can't hold it.
It is something only a man can do.

what is a universal mutation?
If it is universal how do you know its a mutation?

We are governed by what MUST happen.
Not what can happen or will happen.

They think they can force me to remember shit that never took place.

I can't see clearly if I did or didn't.

Allison brought it home and I was contemptueos as I recall it.

That is to say
for us
I believe what can happen or will happen
is governed by what must happen.

Now I understand what the free will debate is about.

doesn't anyone else consider it strange the word "must" is used?

You already know! They don't want you to use your friggen brain!

They want us to stay on a treadmill so we stay friggen stupid.

That is why everybody says "You know" all the time.
It is the collective subconcious trying to wake your ass up.

I do believe in a must.
I don't believe everything is written in stone.
and even if it is
it may not be

put the cart before the horse and push.

You got to do the forest first.

Well it aint working the right way

I wanted to feel close to someone.
Things weren't as free as I would of liked.

I guess people need secrets and conflict.

I told you
plant a darn tree and talk to it
you need to talk to it
if you just go around pushing it
its going to push back i guess

Monkey Amplification

The veracity of it does not matter.
I have lost touch with reality and it is never coming back.

Women see patterns men don't readily see.
I guess I am setting off all sorts of alarms.

I know there is something wrong with me
but it doesn't feel that way.
It feels like the whole world has gone nuts.

The powers that be don't want us to think this way
It isn't our job,
so they call it delusional.
Truth is, you can make some valid connections this way.

This is what happens when you fall out of step,
and go for the banana.

Happy birthday.

The only way out of this mess is to avoid it for a while.

It is called a monkey amplifier.

It makes it easier for them to write Moby Dick.

Monkey amplification would imply
denominator reduction
which would imply a variable speed of light
kept in check by monkey mass?

In some species temperature determines sex.

It is not what we think, it is how we think.

It sounds delusional because you don't think that way.

Monkey text is the extraordinary claim.
It doesn't exist.
We all know monkey amplification exists.
but we don't want to admit it.

I foresaw some gizmo for the economy,
and I intentionally threw a wrench in the damn thing.

Sex is the enemy.
Sex is stupid.
Sex is a treadmill to nowhere.

Somebody knows what this thunder is.
They are protecting somebody.

Here I am with this wonderful brain
and I can't use it cause I am a man.
We need to get control of this or its going to ruin us.

What if Buddha was wrong?
What if they sent him back to junior high anyway?

they were the last ones left to piss off I guess.

You can't really change anything.
The only thing you can do is set up an oscillation.

If I were better at kickball, things would be different.

Safe Chickens

I think she did it on purpose.
I think she doesn't like you.

You are going to have to let me go.
You are going to have to make peace with her.

You are going to have to wait your turn
and hope you get it right next time.

I tried to tell you but you wouldn't stop.
It didn't happen until you dug it up.

God doesn't dig.
Don't you think God already knows?
Satan does that crap.

You are screwing up.
You have left me no choice but to avoid you.

Don't you think it is a little weird
that almost every adult in my life
is screwing me over?
Satan is doing this crap.

I don't want to do this.
The one that is going to be completely lost
hasn't done anything.

I am not going to stay in her life
if she doesn't want me there.

I don't want to be like this anymore.

Why did you become involved?
All I get from you is hurt.

Somewhere in there
there is a 17 year old
who is mortified by all of this.
I think that would kill me if I tried it again.

DO RAY ME FA SO LA TEE DO
FA SO LA TEE DO RAY ME

It is a voyage of self discovery
and I am sorry if it is racist and homophobic

This is going to sound crazy
but if I were an economist
I would model a built in cyclic economy
based on solar activity or something natural.

I think we are going to be forced into a built in cycle
and we are going to have to choose
from something arbitrary
or something natural

We need to use things, not people.

If you are going to own a cat,
it shouldn't be beneath you to be the cat.

How many rodents does it take to fill a basketball?

How are you going to fit 42 rodents in a light bulb?
Even a basketball is strecthing it.

Just what we need,
a safe chicken.

I don't think wattage has anything to do with it.

I loat my glasses,
let out some horrible farts,
then found them never realizing I lost the damn things.

These women, they don't see a young child being scalded.
They saw another Mark David Chapman, and they turned on me.

The truth is, there IS nothing beyond your own experience.

There is an individual,
and there is nothing outside that individuals experience.

Everything is hard.
Don't give up on your dreams because it is hard.

I crossed into this netherworld because you ignored me.

I made the mistake of thinking things were easy.

If I knew everything was hard,
I might have taken a different path.

A discipline is a discipline,
and they are all hard.

Don't go into something thinking you can skate.
It never works out that way.

Not only do people resent the fact you are skating,
but you can't control what God throws at you.

When people are struggling for a "C",
and you are settling for zeroes,
they can get pretty mad at you.

Skating isn't allowed.
If you are skating,
God is going to throw something at you.

I wish there was something I could say
to bring you back into my life.
I don't understand how you can deny me.

I will survive without you.
I will remember this denial.

I have already left my mark.
It is not something I worry about.

This drive that I am supposed to have and I don't,
is because it has already happened.

I am going to remember this.

I am willing to forgive because you didn't know.
Well now you know.

I have a life in God that is indelible.
If there needs to be a permanent separation,
I am prepared.

There never was a war sweetheart.
Just fools playing around with sand.

I saw it coming.
I have been fighting that sand shit since 1995.

They paved the way to hell
and sent it to every wal mart in america.

That is what happens when you box somebody in.
They are not subject to the same limitations
of everybody else.

You boxed me in and I took full advantage of it.

I am a self replicating blob.

I guess the good news is I know it.

Lord why are they doing this to me?

The situation is grave please stop.

I didn't write 20 lines of code to screw with your life.
I am sorry.
I am never going to orbit you.

You were right the whole time.
I have anger issues with women.
It was a lose lose situation for me.
Physics is in our lives now
and it is never going to change.

It really gets me that my shit isnt any good without her
and I try and it never gets me anywhere

I was scalded and generally sissified by my grandmother.
You can know me completely.
Are you satisfied now?

I love my grandmother
and I hate to say that about her.
I still don't understand
how that turns me into a self replicating blob.

I have come too far to have it all forgotten.

I guess families have traditions.

I wish I could go on with my life and forget about her,
but she has infected me with this damn radio.
I wish I never went to that damn station.

The women in my life are having a war over me.

I am tired of fooling around with her.
She got what she wanted.
I am prepared to move on and leave her behind.

I don't want to hurt her,
where will she go?

Who cares if men disappear?
If nobody loves them let them go.

I know I need to get out,
but how is that supposed to happen?

I was scalded.
What am I supposed to do about it?
I don't need this crap.
My life is hard enough as it is.

I have to be psychotic to feel anything,
and I cant stay there.

Grandma is right.
Any woman can do what you do.
You are taking advantage of me.

The price of digging

You don't get it.
Anything that can happen has happened.
If it is plausible it is real.
It is plausible that caused the big bang,
therefore it did.

That is the key to being psychotic.
Keep it plausible.

It is plausible I was attacked over y2k
therefore I was.

Somehow I entered into a trippy world,
where I could make anything plausible
into a reality.

It is plausible I have a thing over voting machines
Cause of something that happened to me as a kid,
therefore I do.

I don't know if this holds true for everybody
or just me.

Maybe it is some kind of warning.
Don't dig here it is dangerous.

It is plausible they came to dig here and got stuck.
That is the price you pay for digging.

I guess I came from a place
where people are prepared for this crap.

I have hundreds of homework assignments
I could do at any time.

It is plausible I am not doing my homework,
because I am leaving something intentionally undone,
therefore I am.

I will let the rap stars be the rap stars.

If Johnny aint doing his homework,
he knows more about math than you do.

I guess I am mad at psychiatry
and I am fighting back with physics.

I don't want to talk about it here.
Where I am right now I could cause the very injury we are looking for.

Actors and psychiatrists just don't like each other.

Where I am right now,
if I were to say it might be so and so,
I could make it that person's fault,
when initially they had nothing to do with it.

I think it is clear I have been trained somewhere.

It is impossible to determine initial conditions using psychiatry.

Somebody knows where you are weak and they are fighting you.

I am not fighting you.
If you want me to blame the poor son of a bitch I will,
but initially he may have had nothing to do with it.

I don't know I am telling you,
I guess I am just allergic to diggers.

I don't approve to what is going on around here.
To me sensations and emotions are two separate things.
Maybe I am brain damaged or something.
You think cause I don't feel I don't feel,
When I do feel.
and I don't like what you are trying to do.

You don't want to observe me
because you want me to change
and I am not happy about it.

God isn't happy about it either.

Nobody should do that to somebody.
It is not right.
You don't want to give up some precious little world you had.
Well I am sorry.

You gave me the big bang.

and I contributed it to the body of Christ
it is over with.

You gave it to me by friggen ignoring me you idiots.

The next time someone burns in the hospital
tell them what to do.

I know you didn't want to hurt me.
I didn't know the world was like that.

You can never have enough biomeds.
Hire a dozen of them.

Is it just my blown mind or is the world friggen looney.

This is a gift?
This is complete lunacy.

We can't agree to disagree?
We are locked in some winner take all battle?
My parents relationship isn't like that.

I don't want that.
If that is what you want, make your magic on somebody else.

I don't want to take it away from you if thats what you want,
but it is not what I want.

Apparently the death of Kennedy
forced people to have second thoughts.
I assure you
It didn't mean that.

Blessings don't always come when you expect them.

We live in a free country.
People get to choose if they are Catholic or not.

I apologize.
I had to experience the mysteries for myself.

I apologize for shattering the uneasy peace.

In my opinion
being ignored is the most injurious thing
that ever happened to me.

There is an initial condition there
that has been totally obliterated.

It is not your fault.
You never gave me any reason
for me to fall for you like that.
I have had something world changing happen to me
and synchronicity is freaking me out.

I am renewing Christianity.
I am like a booster shot.

You are the only one that makes me feel.
I wish it could be somebody else.
We don't get along.
I don't know why I am shutting down.

I want to want somebody,
but I don't want constant agitation.

I have anger issues towards women
and I don't know where it comes from.

a new tradition

there are five reasons why
to pass the test you must know all five reasons

I am not going to dictate the reasons
and I am not going to say for or against
I will let yall decide that

I don't know all five
and it is better that I don't
cause I don't want to dictate what they are

I am more interested in starting this tradition
than passing the test.
I am sure there are five in there somewhere.

Of course it is going to happen.
It cannot be stopped.
I just have a real problem feeling good about it.
Hopefully this is part and it is many decades away.
The new generation
wont let it dominate and ruin their life like I did.

I don't think anyone fully appreciates
what the cold war did to people's psychology.

I have gotten addicted to sudoku.
It is easier than minesweeper.
I thought it would be hard, but it is not.
I use triage and elimination.

I minus well have been the guardian of the country.
It is a dark sadistic energy that is attacking me.
I cant afford to have feelings for christ's sake.

You think I am loosing touch with my feelings,
and I am doing it on purpose
and you don't understand why
I am trying to tell you and you aint listening

Can't you see?
It doesn't want us to solve the damn thing.

I am not blaming anybody.
I am just saying it was a dark sadistic energy.

Yes a dark sadistic energy attacked me
because it knew I had the solution to Y2K

I am not saying they used it.
I am saying I wrote it,
and it knew I wrote it,
and it attacked me.

I have been at my post for 25 friggen years.
It is time for me to retire.

I am sorry I blamed England and claimed the whole world
Damnit I did the best I could.

I was in the middle of a damn war with this thing
and I didn't know what it was about.

Getting us to blame each other
is part of the game this thing plays.

The only interest it has
is in stealing what is rightfully ours.

I believe in Christ,
I believe in the resurrection,
but this I know for certain.

Now this goes out to the atheists and agnostics.
There is a dark sadistic energy in the world,
and we know above all else Jesus is our salvation.
Wait, don't panic, be responsible, and read.
Ignore me at your own peril.

I feel I am a millennial figure.
I feel I ought and have the right to say such things.
I feel it is expected of me.

I was just a teenager
who wrote 20 lines of code that changed the world.
I didn't know what was happening to me.

I was there with you, struggling with the mysteries,
and this is what I have to say about it.

Mohammad wasn't here to deal with this sadistic energy.
Moses wasn't here to deal with this sadistic energy.
Only Christ came to deal with it.
And he is our salvation from it.

I can't deal with someone who thinks the worst of everything.
This could have been over many years ago.

Of course I am mad at you.
I told you it was over in 2000 and you didn't believe me.
I had to go through all that Turing test and everything.
For goodness sake
People didn't think I was a real person.

I hope I don't have to choose
which one of you I am going to keep alive.
but if I do
don't think automatically it is going to be you.

God's love is enough for me.
I don't need anymore than that.

I guess I feel if I can convince you something is wrong
you will stop it.
but its not working.

We have had a serious misunderstanding me and you.

I have seen what you are like when you have all the cards,
and I am not happy about it.

I don't know.
It is my way of checking up on people.

I checked up on you and you failed.
You failed big time.

Do you know how many sadistic spirits
I have to deal with on a daily basis?
I don't need it from you.

I am never going to trust God again.
Christ is all I have to hold on to.

I am like a small child that got burned by the stove.
I am terrified of the stove now.

How can I deny her?
She is the only one that friggen passed.

This is not about who I love anymore.
She deserves it.
You don't.

The number was there in plain sight for months.

Cause she is married and the guys name is David
and I don't want to cause any trouble.

For christ's sake Gin
I had to sleep on the darn floor.
More than once even.

I guess what I am trying to say
is that I have found a way to live without you,
and I don't know if I am going to turn back or not.

They blessed the floor of my mind Gin.
They are not happy with me.

I don't know
I think they tried to set up some utopia for Dave
and it's not working.
It's not working Gin.

You have a gift and I am supposed to love you
but its not working.

Cause I had to know
and I was a stubborn dickhead
but that doesn't change anything.

I don't need you sweetheart.
Thanks to this shit I don't need anybody anymore.

I am left feeling it is sick and ridiculous.

Men aren't real
and women are some sort of pattern amplifier

I know how to amplify my own pattern now.

I didn't write those 20 lines of code
cause I was angry with women!
You want to call the cops on me
and I think it is ridiculous.

I love you
I would be happy just to be with you
but you are friggen looney!

I guess some people were just born for God and Country.

Cause the Hopi didn't pass either.
They were doing sadistic shit to people.

That is what Satan does.
That is Satanism.

He thinks stupidity should be painful,
so he plays cruel jokes on people
to get them to stop.
Which is exactly what they were doing.

The President didn't fail anybody.
It is my damn war.
If you don't like it go to Canada.

Look I didn't ask for this mess.
I was practically born in a God and Country position.
It was not of my choosing.

Do you want to go back to situation books and index cards?

If I could step off the stage
and let someone else handle it I would,
but I don't know how to do that.

It is a scary position to find yourself in.
It is not fun.

There is a sense in the world
that if you are not hung on a cross
or fed to the lions
that you are not a martyr
we should have a new sense of martyrdom now.

People are being kept in deep psychological pain.
There are tens of thousands of us.

Following Freud is equivalent to following Marx,
and needs to be confronted.

If you keep doing this it is going to happen again,
and he might not be as congenial as me.

I understand I am a rare exception
and you didn't know about the y2k issue
but it sets a dangerous precedent.

Yes I understand women almost universally win this argument.
It is the brinkmanship that bothers me.

Because I am locked in.
I couldn't even if I wanted to.

Your argument doesn't bother me so much.
It is how far you took it.

You can't judge me.
A world changing thing like that never happened to you.

Yes I must have anger issues with women.
However, I feel the need to confront this issue.

Its assholes and communists.
That is just the way the world is.

In my book, if you follow Freud you are a communist.
I see no difference between the two.

I make no distinction between Marx and Freud.
They have the same motivation and agenda.

It is the motivation for the argument
not the argument itself.
They are for a secular, hedonistic, materialistic world.
I am not.

I had to struggle with the mysteries myself.
I understand the issues now.

It didn't use to be like this.
Peoples patterns are getting weak.

People are going to burn in the event field
if they don't stop.

Jesus catches people so they don't burn in the event field.

Satan doesn't care if you go to the event field or not.

It is something God worries about.
I don't fully understand it either.

There are pink clouds and white clouds
pink clouds burn white ones dont

I think it is about information
getting all your ducks lined up in a row

The white is more challenging than the pink
anybody can do the pink

I mixed the two and Jesus had to play catch.

This is what happens with the pink clouds.
People's patterns get weak
and people burn in the event field.

I told you
I didn't pull the plug right
I broke symmetry

I couldn't figure out which 12 to throw away
So I just threw out any 12

I got caught in the game.
I burnt revelation and went to find hydrogen.
but I didn't pull the plug right
and caused the big bang.

Why do you give me so much hassle.
You never believe anything I say.
Aren't you curious as to why everything is so foreign to me?

Because that is what you are supposed to do
when someone does that to you.

I never said I was God.
I said I caused the big bang.

couch nine

I was feeling the effects of solving y2k
and I didn't know what was going on.
I blamed the girls but it wasn't their fault.

I have been the lynch pin of the whole damn thing for 25 years.

This is what happens when men fix shit.

I am not saying she is wrong,
but she thinks the worst of everything.

If I go down America goes down.
That is just the way it is.
You should know that by now.

I had a dream that my father had a house of many rooms,
and I was upset because my bed wasn't big enough,
and I had to share a room.

People love me.
I could be the most evil person in the world,
and they would still love me.

I don't think God supports everything I have done.
I think he just feels I have been through enough already.

I have dreamt about that house many times.
There are many good people in that house,
but it is not safe to go looking around
for your own room with a big bed.

I am saying that thinking that you deserve such things
is the wrong attitude to have.
You should be happy of where you are
and what you have.

Be thankful and patient and it may be given to you.

I refuse to believe hedonism and materialism
is the way of the world,
and that such is human nature.

Freud is driving the bus,
and yall are all riding on the damn thing.

You don't accept Marx,
Why should you accept Freud?
They had the same agenda.

We are heading headlong into war
over something that is friggen stupid.
Let Christ rebuild the darn temple.

If he said he is going to return,
and you believe he is going to return,
let him rebuild the darn thing.

They want the direct communion with God they used to have
and that age is over.
Sorry but that is the facts.

Only if you believe in Christ
will you ever see those days again.

They put the old wine with the new wine in the same flask
Like they weren't supposed to
Who is to say Revelation is the real thing?

I believe in the book of John.
That is the only one I friggen believe in.

Don't open yourself up to sadistic energies.
It isn't worth it.

I call it the way I see it.
You can't make a home run out of a foul ball.

No wonder I am on couch nine
J.C.!

Christianity wouldn't be what it is without Revelation.
The word needed to be spread.
Apocalyptic literature was the way to do it.
One hand shook the other, and a deal was made.
It still hasn't been fully dealt with.

There is a dark sadistic energy that preys on you
when it thinks you are being stupid.

I must be the most accomplished nobody in the world.

I am sorry about the war.
We cant give them a free base of operations.
It is a national security issue.

They think we depend on evil and superstition.

It is our way of life.
We can only decide to defend it or lose it.

I cant say that I disagree with them,
but that is not an option.

Let me make that clear.
Agreeing with them is not an option.

This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this people.

It is assholes and communists.
That is the way the world is.
Deal with it.

because I went that route
and it was a tragic mistake.

They think stupidity should be painful,
so they play cruel jokes on people to get them to stop.
That is Satanism,
and I am not happy about it.

I dont buy the story that they hijacked the planes with box cutters.
I suspect psi ops was involved.
and we cant give them a free place to do that shit.

We need to hassle them.
We can't let them stew.

If God says "Yes he is" and "No its not"
That is his decision.

they never intended for us to pass that damn eventuality test anyway

It was a thing we had to go through before they took over the planet
so a great attractor wouldn't happen again
basically it means you are responsible for a sizable portion

When you pass the test you ge what is called a "name"
but we are not supposed to have one
we are supposed to be terraforming slave race.

They don't talk about the great attractor anymore.

I guess I fit mosts definition of gay.
I just don't want it like I should.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
I am just a writer thats all.

I know I should give up.
I know this is never going to go anywhere.
I keep on doing it.
I don't want to quit.
I have quit too much in my life.

Now on top of everything I am scared to death of women.

I told you something that made you think I was gay didn't I?
Something you heard maybe?
Something you approached me about?
I don't remember most of that conversation.
I know we talked about my prom date.
I remember vaugely that we might have talked about another person.
What are you trying to do?
Why are you asking me those questions?
I am sorry.
Even in 84 I only remembered bits and peices.
So I had an experience with another boy.
What is the big deal?
That doesn't mean I liked it.
It doesn't mean I am Gay.
Lots of people have those experiences.
I can't help it that the faggot was in love with me.
You think the worst of everything.

You made a mistake.
You thought I was safe and I wasn't.

I dont care what you might have heard,
it is not ok with me,
I don't like it.

He was spreading friggen rumors because he was in love with me.
How is that my fault?

I don't remember because it is not a big deal to me.
It happened.
I didn't care for it.
What is the big deal?

I know.
I don't remember half of what I say and it confuses everybody.

I know he was spreading rumours about me.
I was approached about it several years ago.
Both of us were molested by the same friggen dickhead.
What I don't remember is telling you about it.

I wish I could go back to Texas.
They friggen wanted me there.

Henrico doesn't want me here.
Don't kid yourself, It can happen.
The church could put me in Timbuktu if they wanted to.

I did the right thing.
I friggen told somebody.
Somebody I thought gave a shit.

It may have been considered,
but I couldn't have gone to the hospital back then.
They didn't have anything to help me.
Anymore than I could help myself.
And I did until those assholes at my job fucked me over.
I should have stayed at the bank.
They accepted me there.
Black people have always been good to me.

In my experience,
black people share a common decency,
that white people just don't have.

It is a sad commentary about white people.
I don't know why they do this shit to each other.

I knew it was make or break,
and I didn't want to give up.

I know what it is like to have someone around
that you just don't like.

I said it might be easier for a black man to be elected president
Than it would be for him to be elected senator
and that was in 1998

The newtonian world we believe in
The newtonian world we depend on
is in jeopardy.
and once we lose it
we can never get it back.

All I want to do is give up
and I can't

A traditional post

I haven't posted anything in a while cause I am building my own computer. It was easier than I thought it would be. I don't know what is going on but every time I hit the backspace key twice the darn dvd drive opens up. Have to get out of that habit I guess. I thought mounting the cpu with the grease and everything would be the hard part. That was easy. The hard part was installing the motherboard. I am still not happy with it, If you want it to look professional, which is necessary if you are going to get top dollar for it, I would suggest getting the motherboard installed by a professional. This damn Openoffice writer wants to guess what word I am going to say. I don't like that either. Anyway everything else went without a hitch. I wanted to do a burn in before installing windows, but that is pretty tricky to do. I have a copy of mepis and ubuntu, I am running mepis now, so I booted it with the mepis disk. I went dumb and forgot I needed to run fdisk. So I spent a whole day trying to figure out why the hard drive wouldn't format. Dumb me right? Even dumber I spent a whole day trying to figure out what the default root password was, and I still aint up on how to install software in mepis, but I am getting better at it. In the process of trying to format the hard drive I found a great iso called the ultimate boot cd. With a flash of insight I remembered about fdisk, and hey it was on the ultimate boot cd, so that got me into business. I installed Mepis, I like Mepis better than Ubuntu, and downloaded burintest, I ran it several times in a row, and everything passed. Except I need to go in and see how to test the cd drive. A few things I learned. This Intel motherboard does not have a connection for the audio coming out of the cd drive. The Intel cpu fan only has one post that clicks in. The other three don't. Oh yeah and Ubuntu packages are not compatible with Mepis. On the horizon, my fellow club member is selling me a rack synthesizer. Maybe I will get back to making music. That's all. Have a nice day.

It will be amazing if I don't permanently screw up the hard drive.

happy birthday
I don't mean to be mean
but you really think the worst of everything

I guess if you are going after more than presidential knee caps
something is wrong with you.

For Christ's sake don't solve anything.
Let her cover you.

They got me on clozaril and geodon and I could still go mad.
I know how to do it.

It is an observation not a judgment.
If my mother wants me to come home I will go home.

I needed to be covered.
I was in a hurry and running out of time.
Something in me knows that by January it would be too late.

In case you are not following me the hypothesis is...
Solving Y2k put me at odds with women,
and that women are holding a secret
that deals with the many worlds interpretation.

I know that sounds outlandish for people who don't know me.

People who know me know something is up,
and that is my best explanation.

Everybody thinks I skated because of my dad.
It wasn't because of my dad.
Plenty of people had bigger dads than mine.

What can I say?
The Air Force didn't let me get away like everyone else did.

My dad didn't get me through basic,
and he didn't give me the position in the clinic.
I inquired about that position months before it came open
on my own accord.
So I was the first in line when it came open.
I had no idea the other guy would flunk out.

Cause I had just been through a year long tech school
and got nothing out of it.
I saw all these ads in the paper for biomedical
so I asked my dad if anything was available in the clinic.
He said no, then a month or two later the guy washed out.
Having inquired about it, I was first on the list.

Everybody thinks dad gave it to me
but it didn't go down like that.

They asked us to look for something else, so I did.
Nobody else considered the clinic.
Is that my fault?

I wanted to go into test equipment
or F16 avionics,
but I was told that wasn't open for me.
They just didn't like me.

The timeline fits people.
Look at it.
I am telling the truth.

I was basically told they were going to hold me at a1c forever,
and that I had no future in avionics,
so I went looking somewhere else.

I don't know.
People treat me like I have no value,
Everywhere I go.

I am giving you fair warning.
I know how to create a fall back position,
and I know how to fall back to that position.
I can create a fall back position at any time.

I am concerned for the safety and security of the american public,
and of my own volition will take any action I deem necessary.

That is the downside of not acknowledging me.
I can do anything I want.

If I have no guidance,
I am left to take care of it on my own.
Is that what you want?

I will not stand for a war on Earth between God and Satan.
I will oppose them both if I have to.

Right now we are set for a massive conflict when I die.
That is your problem not mine.
I did my part.
It is time for someone else to take a stand.

The fact is I have been in their way for over a decade,
and it is not going to last forever.

I am telling you now.
They are waiting it out.

It is driving everyone crazy.
The want me to choose sides,
but I know better than that.

Believe me.
I have been through it enough
to know that is the wrong thing to do.

It is a lose lose decision,
and I am not falling for it.

The Newtonian world we believe in doesn't exist.
It is a delicate balance that is being disturbed by
radio, television, internet, cellular phones, automobiles, computers, atypicals etc.
The Hopi are telling us and no one is listening.

Stop thinking the worst about me.
I needed you. We were a team.

because the Republicans are assholes
and the Democrats are communist
and I just don't want to get involved in that shit.

because the assholes are right
and the communists know they are right
and they don't want to deal with it.

People bitched at Carter cause he dide't
and bitched at Bush because he did.
They need to make up their friggen mind.

The Endless Question

I live in a special little hell.
My reward for breaking too many hearts.

It wasn't fun and games.
For me it was never fun and games.

Why dominates my life.
I can't settle for love.

I want to know why.
It is not fun when you can't get over that.

What does she know?
Why did she turn the music on me?

It kills me to listen, but I listen anyway.
It is all I have.

That and this damn blog.
How can I give up on my blog?

I want it to mean something.
Not paragraph after paragraph of mindless drivel.

I write sentences because that is what it is.
A sentence, my special little hell.

Maybe I can reach the next guy.

If I am here to build a wall, lets build a wall.
Sentence after sentence.
Maybe in the end it will mean something.

I am not here to complain.
Don't get me wrong.

I appreciate what I have been given.
Even if it is not what I wanted.

Well maybe I need this.
Maybe someone else needs it too.

Her whole live must revolve around saving me from myself.
God what a tragedy.

I feel her wanting me to talk to her.
This is the only way I know how.

Thank God for the internet.
Maybe she will get some relief.

I am shifting gears.
I am moving in a new direction.
I like this sentence after sentence shit.

This is life in the 21st century.
Everything seems the same, but somethings changed.

I will never get used to judgment.
It is just not in my blood.

I appreciate what it is there for,
although I don't know if I will ever be truly sorry.

The thunder makes me wonder.
I know people say it is only a noise,
but it is very disconcerting to have something like that.

Who are my people?
What did God give it to me for?
Who am I supposed to be?

I want you to understand and love me.

People won't tell me the truth about it.
They think I am better off not knowing.

I don't mean to be self important.
I think we would lose a lot if I let go of this.

I know it doesn't look like much,
but it is more than it appears to be.

My music was supposed to fix it,
but the powers that be wouldn't let it.

I gave them the fix and they didn't use it.
They knew what it was for.

What can I say?
They like things the way they are.

Something from me,
anything from me would have stopped this mess.

But they didn't trust me.
They didn't like the idea of me in that position.

I wanted to herald in a new century,
and they wouldn't let me do it.

"Don't get any big ideas, it is never going to happen."
So use Victoria Williams I don't give a crap.

I know you think I feel self important,
but to me it is common sense.

I am sorry.
Our relationship doesn't mean that much to me.

I have the chance to hold the south and build a library,
and I am supposed to give that up for a pubescent dream?

I have grown up.
That shit doesn't matter to me anymore.

There was a time when it did,
and you didn't do the right thing.
So deal with it.

I am going to have it my way or not at all.
See how you like it.

Common sense says if you write someone a letter
and they don't write back that person doesn't love you.

I am sorry if it sounded conflicted or sent a mixed message.

What am I supposed to do?
You didn't love me.
I am doing the best I can.

Kim put her heart out there,
and I just trampled all over it.

She didn't want to be second best.
Nobody does.

She is the one that took me aside and asked me my life story.
I thought she gave a damn.

I am a writer.
I sound that way when I write.
It is a gift.

It is a God given talent.
I am well adjusted.
I just sound maniacal.

I wanted to be with you.
You made me feel good.
You made me happy.
I know I am screwed up.

I am too self important.
I can't let go.

I don't mean to be self important,
but I am a universal figure.

Something I did had a universal impact.
You know it.
I don't have to prove it to anybody.

She is trying to cover me and she can't
It is never going to happen.

by January 19th it was too late.

If she wants to cover me,
she must do it before I write that program.
After that it is too late.

I wouldn't mind being covered
if I understood that was happening.
It is too late now though.

All of this because of a computer program I wrote in High School.
I know it sounds incredulous.

They think I am mad at women.
They think I am too self important to let go.
Somebody knows the truth about this shit.

Cover, I can deal with.
Superimposed, that shit aint happening.

y2k is the only thing I can think of
that would have had a universal impact so early

I try to stick to what is plausible,
I think if she could cover me it would have happened by now.

I am sorry this happened sweetheart.
What would you do
if some maniac who called himself Meglodave solved y2k?

I may not be a household name,
but it was my reality when I contributed it to the body of Christ.

No wonder I am going crazy.
There is nothing friggen wrong with me.

I may have had a psychotic break.
but I really did write that y2k thing,
and this math shit is real.

Nobody did their research to figure out what the heck was going on.
The answer was there the whole time.

When I found out, I reasoned
and did what I needed to do with it.
What more can you ask for?

Now that is being responsible.

Apparently I was behind Lark the whole time.

Did I scare the living crap out of you?
Good.
You aint supposed to be doing that shit anyway.

Just because it is a gift,
doesn't give you the right to be irresponsible with it.

Yall are the ones that kept playing.
I told you I was behind Lark a long time ago.

He collects people like me,
and he is really good at it.

You are right.
I am better behind somebody.

The 6000 Year Secret

Those damn serpents have been lying to you sweetheart.
They know there is only one me.

I appreciate what you were trying to do.
I might have done the same thing.

They think they are winning but they are not.
It is exactly like it is supposed to be.

They hate me because I consider them a figment of my imagination.

They keep trying to get to me, but they can't.
So I guess they just settle for ruining my life.

I would love to let go but I cant go through that gauntlet again,
and there is no guarantee.

They thought they could hold the South with a wall,
but time flowed around it.

You learn. You move on.

I appreciate what they were trying to do.
I might have done the same thing.

Mother Nature doesn't listen.
Father Time doesn't care.

Mother Nature and Father Time sleep in the same bed.

The internet is a big place for whatever can happen will happen.

They never learn anything.
I could talk to them till I was blue in the face.

Whenever you get that mammal thing going,
they get pissed off about it.

They want us to stay in our reptilian brain.
They get pissed off when we start learning shit.

They consider the mammalian brain as their hard drive,
and they don't like it when it starts thinking for itself.

People are mad because they are on their knees begging forgiveness,
and I am getting away with whatever I want.

I was trying to prove God because of something Freud said.
He wants to be God let him be God I don't care.

I am sure he finds fault in me.
It is just not the time to address it right now.

Cause I am trying to build a new century for everybody.

So you will have a better understanding of whats going on
when the end comes.

So you will know what the choices are,
and why they are being made.

Because it wasn't fair.
People were being told God didn't exist,
and then wham mo.

It is just a male reality and there can only be one.
God has it right and is doing it right.

It is a mock up of the real thing people.

It was a brilliant opening move.
Everyone is going to be forced to explain themselves.

What can I say?
He handled the lemons right.

I don't feel like I can let go.
I don't even know what it means to let go.

Haven't I made enough headway?
I am tired.

I don't know.
I feel like they are all lying to me.
And they were.

I am just a mutant.
I don't understand.

That is what happens when you shop people to death.

They are shopping me to death.
They think I am the Antichrist or something.

They are being lied to.
They are friggen stupid.
Somebody knows what they are doing.

Ease off a little bit.
It will open up.

This is how two mutants find each other.

If this were to continue I would shop her to death,
but hopefully that is not going to happen.

I understand why it can't happen.
You are not ready for it.

Somebody knows what they are doing people.

Because I always asked that question
and nobody else did.

Wait, don't panic, be responsible, and read.

If that is where I need to go that is where I need to go.
I trust him to know where I belong.

I have been through too much.
I am taking refuge in the library.

I have had enough sweetheart.
I don't want to play anymore.
I have put the library in the right place.
That is enough for me.

Not like this.
Not on these drugs like this.
No

Please don't pump me full of drugs and shop me to death.

They think there is only one left when there can only be one.

If you won't let my music fix it,
Let Loose by Victoria Williams fix it.

I understand.
I am like 665.

I AM mad at women.
They are pumping me full of medicine and shopping me to death.

She thinks I have an anger problem.
She wants me to get mad so she can call the police.
It is stupid.
It is never going to happen.

I don't know why I am fighting so hard.
I know they are just trying to help me.

I am convinced it didn't use to be like this.

I told you.
We are not on the same page.

I am sorry, I made a mistake.

You don't have to be big and powerful to be antichrist.
any male with his own reality is antichrist.

You were prepared for another Hitler or Stalin.
You were not prepared for this.

Ok here goes.
Adam considered the serpent a figment of his imagination
and never told Eve about it.

The serpent got mad at Adam and told Eve
It was all about Adam.

When Adam came along,
The serpent and Eve never told Adam
what transpired between them.

Then God set the whole thing up,
so everyone would have to explain themselves.

I don't know.
It is a secret Eve has been carrying for 6000 years.

I cant believe the 6000 year secret is
she is shopping me to death.