Average Inner Blog

Back in the 80’s I tried to get help But Dr. Curry and my parents didn’t tell me the truth about it, Cause they thought I wouldn’t try. Omg Kimberly is dead I always took solace in the fact that she was happy And decided it would be creepy to intrude in her new life I’m sorry she is gone I told her happy birthday back in 2012 but never heard anything.  Last I heard she was in charge of her class reunion and everything was going fine. Everyone else was chasing tail or whatever And I’m dreaming about hurting myself  having fantasies about doing in in the woods I was really messed up With  You can’t change what you fantasize about  If you have the bends you have the bends It’s like conversion therapy  It doesn’t work I’ve come across this reverse speech thing firsthand  I believe the Bible is like a firewall protects you from it I thought the three of us would reconcile and go to Disney world one day  I thought it was wonderful, but apparently it wasn’t g...

I wish my life had been defined by something I could have gotten credit for. Something dazzling, something earth shattering and dynamic. Something worth being stupid about. The sad thing would be if it got completely ignored. Probably happens all the time. It’s my relationship to my genitalia. Hard to believe my Grandmother started all of this. I wish I had had the conversation with my mother It just never came up. People need to talk about this, People shouldn’t be treated like pets that aren’t eating. Even if they are men. He knows it’s my show And he isn’t in the lead role. I have blemishes, I am sorry,  this isn’t a job I applied for. Once you fall through one, you keep falling through. Nothing can hold you anymore. I don’t know the physics behind it and he keeps wanting me to prove it to him. I can’t say If grandma was going to do that I should have been raised Jewish. Just another floor to fall through  I can’t say, this persona wasn’t there. I think it goes back to what...

It’s hard to believe Star Wars  Is coming on 50 years old When I was a kid 50 years was the 20’s Ancient history  Polls suggest 60% of people would not want to work with a schizophrenic. In practice it’s probably more like 80% It’s not that I can’t work, or don’t want to work. People don’t want to work with me. If I did work it would be a few months here a few months there. Eventually nobody would hire me. I don’t like being on social security. It makes me feel guilty, but I need stability in my life. I make music, I volunteer, I’m doing what I can. If Trump wins those two years will be hell. This is not the way to do the government budget. It’s like going on strike or something. 20 hours of volunteering seems to be enough already Please people are going to get hurt I don’t feel angry, but at some level I must be. I have seen a lot of stuff on tv over the years. Some stuff you see once than never again. People think you are nuts when you talk about it. I guess I could But I’d ...

If your one drive files are showing up with an X mark That means the files are not synced Check that one drive is in your system tray If not go to the start menu and run one drive 

Stop it you crazy bitch, you are hurting me.  What are you trying to prove? It’s either here or on social media. I can’t stop. Really, she did without affectionate touch for five years? Omg it’s a crisis. Car trouble record Filled up with gas on 23rd not usual for me Noticed I left car window down on 27th Stopped at 711 on 27th car wouldn’t start Accepted a jump Went to leave volunteer job on 29th car wouldn’t start Car wouldn’t jump Left cables attached for a few minutes and tried again Car started Went to advance auto parts to replace battery Technician tested battery fine Friend put load tester on battery with car off Light very bright Removed fuse to the radio/door locks/security  Light got much dimmer Discovered radio/door locks/security has different power modes for key fob Put fuse back in Left message at first mechanic  Talked to bing suggested EVAP purge control valve Car sat for three days Monday morning went to take car to first mechanic  Would not start J...

The kings highway doesn’t go east and west. It happened in my minds eye and I really can’t say But I think these “aliens” are visiting from hell. I can’t say, “I am a medium, this is what happened.” it’s in admissible. And it’s dangerous, then the entities that were in my head are out in the public. I think they are “time travelers” and think they can “fix” us. I understand people feel like they need some answer about this. Is time a flat dimension, or does it have height width and depth of its own? The problem is “time travel” is the problem. Like 12 monkeys. I got the feeling something miraculous is going to happen tonight or tomorrow or Wednesday. There’s a reason it’s All Saints’ Day  Or All Souls’ Day From my perspective. The are effing with the efffer that invented the thing. Yzax was involved, it’s like the chessboard. I think I was a character and God made me a real person. I liked it at WSR, but they had me doing the whole post press  then complained when I made a mis...

I tried. I didn’t want this to happen.  If I had just took a little instruction. I just wish society had some use for me. I don’t know about kids though.  You think you can help them but you can’t.  They won’t listen. My coworkers said I was like working with a child. I think I was on a cycle. I hope we broke it. I need a glucometer. I felt like I was just climbing a mountain, climbing a mountain, climbing a mountain. I thought one day I would reach a plateau. When it didn’t happen I just gave up. Switching to invega from clozaril is affecting my blood sugar It seems like it’s more coming off the clozaril than going on invega  Computer operating systems are messy. You can see all the guts of it. I think that people’s opinions are being paid for By agents that don’t wish America the best. That see democracy as a weekness. That stand to benefit tremendously if America fails. What made me not vote for twenty years? I have already been through this mess. This is getting ...

I can’t use bing or google to look for the source of an image with my iPad  Bing goes directly to my camera and doesn’t offer me an upload option And google has no option at all If I want to do that I have to use the computer. There are thousands of movies out there, But the ones I want to watch are unavailable. I didn’t know it was so easy to mirror my iPad to Roku.  I was really surprised. I thought it would be easier with an AppleTV but I guess it’s pretty simple. It isn’t doing any good sitting in some dark corner. It is from me and people need it. Yeah, don’t try to bootstrap the universe. I guess I am like a red heifer. I like Don Lemon. I ain’t crazy about Jake Tapper. I guess I put people out. People are like meerkats. I am not trying to. I just sift through for some reason. It’s not fun. People can’t accept it and get angry about it. I guess I am supposed to call out to Jesus or someone. This music thing… I guess the only thing astonishing is that I said I would do it...

If you want cnn on Roku you can’t get it by itself, You have to either be subscribed to cable, Or get it with sling or something like that. If Apple TV would have done it, It would have been a purchasing point. NBC news has a free streaming service, But it’s captions are screwy. They get piled up and go really fast. I don’t understand. Why would you need to stream cnn with Roku if you have cable. They need to spell it out on the internet. I guess there ain’t a lot of people watching cnn on sling and roku with the captions on. I watch cnn listening to music with the captions on. I am not really happy with the captions on Roku sling and cnn. It starts out ok, but then it goes to one line instead of two, And it gets too fast. I guess with this roku, if I want to watch captions, it’s Fox News. I don’t know, they aren’t easy to read either. I wouldn’t suggest Roku if you want to watch captions. The captions were a lot better on Fios  It is fine when you first start watching, Then it’s s...

     I guess maybe it is time for me to sit down and type a couple paragraphs.  I like the one or two sentences at a time.  I think it is easier to read, physically.  Maybe a little harder to comprehend.  This is not Twitter though it is a blog.       My mother passed away back in 2020.  I feel she failed to thrive because of Covid restrictions.  It was difficult to have her pass and not being able to be there.  Thankfully she did not end up in a refrigerated trailer.     My father passed away in June.  He suffered a mild stroke in May but never fully recovered.  The doctor said it was in a bad place.  It is a new world now with both of them gone.  Dad left me his car.  It is worth more than any car I have ever owned.  That is just stuff though.  I would rather have Dad.     I cannot say my community has suffered terribly from Covid.  The weather here ha...

I guess if I can’t play with my guitar friend, I can’t play with you. My skills seem to be in production. You just cut and paste, And you find what works and what doesn’t. It is just a testament to how hard it is, To come up with something that hasn’t been used before. Contrary to popular belief, It doesn’t happen in 15 minutes. I probably play something 100 times before I am satisfied with it. I could just use the loops out of the box, But I want to put my mark on it. It is best to rise from the friggen ashes. It seems to be fashionable to believe in conspiracy theories, I would fit right in if I was going through my stuff nowadays. They will get tired of it. I guess they feel they don’t have any power. It is the ones 10 or 15 years younger than me, The ones that burnt down Woodstock. I hope they channel it and be constructive. People are going to vote for him just because. I tried to be Q. Nobody followed me. It would be nice to have a third choice. I went through that non voting thi...

I guess there is a difference between loving yourself, And being in love with yourself. I am confused about that Kansas ballot, I am not sure what yes or no means either. People may have played it safe and voted no. If I told you it represented quantum particles, Would you believe me? It is never perfect, There is always flaws, The trick is knowing what the flaws are. You can’t really call them flaws, Because if the flaws didn’t happen, We wouldn’t be here. They are certainly not just going to accept what I tell them, It will be decades or longer for them to understand this. I consider the knots may be tied locally, But together they form a blanket. Instead of stripping the information, And finding the fundamental laws, You start with no information to begin with. I guess there must be some that appreciate and understand. If we don’t come together and do something, Ain’t nobody going to have to worry about nothing. We will be extinct. The world is too effing small To worry about who is...

There really is one that keeps going And I am not sure I want to be that one anymore. It is going to keep me out of heaven. I guess I am still a kid. I may put $5 down once a month or so. It isn’t worth spending a lot of money. Some people see this meerkat stuff, and others  don’t. I am not going to force it. If it comes it comes. I have a rasp in my voice that comes from not using it. I guess I will just make music, and wait for the lyrics to come. I can see how people get addicted to this. If Willie Nelson can just talk, I guess I can too. It isn’t the ideal situation, but I can deal with it. I would be partners with someone who could write and sing. I have a hard time loving myself. It just doesn’t feel right to me. People get paid good money to come up with words and names and stuff. I guess I am a self absorbed person that hates himself. I wish I had more upper body strength, I wish I could run, I wish I wasn’t so fat, I would like to be a more virile person. Just a good airma...