Average Inner Blog

I live in a special little hell. My reward for breaking too many hearts. It wasn't fun and games. For me it was never fun and games. Why dominates my life. I can't settle for love. I want to know why. It is not fun when you can't get over that. What does she know? Why did she turn the music on me? It kills me to listen, but I listen anyway. It is all I have. That and this damn blog. How can I give up on my blog? I want it to mean something. Not paragraph after paragraph of mindless drivel. I write sentences because that is what it is. A sentence, my special little hell. Maybe I can reach the next guy. If I am here to build a wall, lets build a wall. Sentence after sentence. Maybe in the end it will mean something. I am not here to complain. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what I have been given. Even if it is not what I wanted. Well maybe I need this. Maybe someone else needs it too. Her whole live must revolve around saving me from myself. God what a tragedy. I feel h...

Those damn serpents have been lying to you sweetheart. They know there is only one me. I appreciate what you were trying to do. I might have done the same thing. They think they are winning but they are not. It is exactly like it is supposed to be. They hate me because I consider them a figment of my imagination. They keep trying to get to me, but they can't. So I guess they just settle for ruining my life. I would love to let go but I cant go through that gauntlet again, and there is no guarantee. They thought they could hold the South with a wall, but time flowed around it. You learn. You move on. I appreciate what they were trying to do. I might have done the same thing. Mother Nature doesn't listen. Father Time doesn't care. Mother Nature and Father Time sleep in the same bed. The internet is a big place for whatever can happen will happen. They never learn anything. I could talk to them till I was blue in the face. Whenever you get that mammal thing going, they get pis...

I understand to people who haven't lost touch with reality this stuff is very bizarre, and that is the way it should be. Keep your reality. Cherish your reality. It can be very sad to lose it. Ginger IS helping me. She can't. If she surrendered her reality, it would be like 12 Monkeys. I wish I didn't have to be alone. I understand no one is going to surrender their reality for mine. It is there if anybody wants it. I wish she hadn't kept me on the air. She knows too much. How does she know so much? Sometimes I wish she would make a mistake. What is wrong with making mistakes? If it wasn't for y2k this shit would be over with. Just because I solved y2k doesn't mean I can cram things down people's throat. She doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. How can I let that happen? How can I surrender that? I can't it is a sworn duty. I wouldn't do it anyway. That is not an as if. I did solve y2k. This shit would be over if I hadn't. I can...

I was fine until I lost touch with reality. Now I am trying to make reality and I can't. I think God appreciates what I do. It is not a welcome job. Holding the South is not easy. You have to know when you have gone far enough. Far enough to find the bottleneck, but not so far you need to put numbers on everybody. If I have to sacrifice for other's freedom It is ok. I agree with you, that is crazy. We need to find out what is going on about that. I guess taking responsibility helps you move on. I am worried about the millions who refuse to be baptized. They are still people. You are living with lemons people. Accept responsibility and move on. Don't play the blame game. It doesn't lead anywhere. You can't have strawberries cause you aren't ready for strawberries. If God gave you strawberries what would you do with them? Richmond is a place that revels in its smallness. As long as you keep playing the blame game, You will never receive strawberries. I was respons...

I just don't want my world to revolve around the shit, but I guess it does anyway. Kudos to my fellow black balled friend. He did a great job. Getting black balled is serious people. Watch out who you piss off. They are probably right. I am probably some actor who woke up in this shit. I found Hydrogen and pulled the plug. Except I didn't do it right and caused the Big Bang. This has turned into some kind of net opera. I am as real as anybody else anymore. Where did America come from? That it happened precisely at the right time is astounding. America has been blessed people. God found us and blessed us. It doesn't matter what I said. I caused the Big Bang for Christ's sake. You said this or you said that doesn't matter anymore. That game is over with. Don't fool me. You want that as much as I do. Stop the brinkmanship. Someone could have got seriously hurt. And watch what you make movies about. I would hate for anyone to wake up as Darth Vader. They have it in ...

I have a little bit of poetic license. He knows I am trying to reach the atheists and agnostics. I guess I have made a new definition of airhead. Now there is going to be a race to find helium. Why is this so radical? If you are anthropic nothing happened till the sixth day anyway. I agree it is myopic. I don't think you understand Christianity, until you feel personally responsible. It would be easier if I was a bad person, but the bottom line is I can't stay here. It is like Lark says, "You hate somebody when loving them hurts too much." I wish I could unplug from this world and move on. I don't know how I wanted it. I never thought that far ahead. Is this going to lead to anything, or am I wasting my time. I told you. I live in the moment. My planning central is screwed up. I don't know what is worse sugar sweet 80's pop or death metal. I am the reluctant antichrist that caused the big bang. I don't know what is going to happen to me. I could fuel m...

I crossed the wrong woman. Now the league of women voters is after my ass. I am a foolish upstart, and there is a power struggle going on. I am changing the game, and they don't like it. I am just a mutant. All mutants go through this shit. The bottleneck won't be with me forever. Why should I be concerned about my genetic material? I got bigger fish to fry. The oldest game in the book is going down, and there is nothing they can do about it. If it is unlawful to know it is unlawful, just how did you intend to enforce it? They never intended to enforce it. They just put it in there to make them feel better. I wish I had gone to the hospital and left the radio station. Dr. Curry wouldn't do it. He said I wouldn't try. People are flirting and dating and I... She always thinks the worst. I wish she had just given me a chance. All I really wanted was to be with her. I am just a lonely boy trying to survive. She didn't have rose tinted glasses that's for sure. I wish...

You have left me alone too long. I needed your intervention. You have one shot at it. If things go south go south. It means if the predicament gets bad, go for the worse. They don't care about us. All they want is the water. Why can't we? Because they know I have the right philosophy, and they want me to change it. You are playing along right with them. Because they wish they had done it that's why. Because there is magic in the bottleneck for Pete's sake. I tell you, all they care about is the water, and they can't have it till they deal with me. It is death, taxes, and bottlenecks people. If you haven't learned that you haven't learned a thing. God you people are so fucking stupid. Can't you see that? You want to put it in context, lets put it in context. Cause I want to do away with it, but they won't let me. So go ahead put it in context. She likes it when I get mad. You are the only one I ever had a serious interest in, but you don't want it...

I am a jerk and a screwup I have the wrong attitude about it. It is more than just an effect. There is real magic in the bottleneck. As a mathematical term, it means having your own base. I know it is sacrilegious, but I think atheists and agnostics need to understand that. She is too much for me. I can't handle that much. She delights in driving me crazy. I am crazy enough. I don't need any help being crazy. You were a siren the whole friggen time. Is that the way you want to be remembered? It was already there. It was intentionally left undone. I am never saying goodbye again. Going to Florida is a sad memory for me. I wish we could go to Disneyworld. It has consumed my whole life. I would of rather died on the beaches of Normandy, or Vietnam. You get a good view of that from the psych ward. If you want to break tradition, If you want to go in a new direction, It is really hard. I have been on this path for a long time, and it is not as easy as it looks. You don't know ho...

Name the shit and move on. That is my motto. It is all in what you are going after it is both saturation. Going after the April Fool's Day thing, is going after saturation. They are the same thing. The universe doesn't care if someone came up with it first. You get what you are asking for. You want it, but you can't have it. It is over. It is done. There is no undoing it. Blame Freud. From their perspective, I changed history, and they are not happy about it. I went after saturation and got an information burn. That is all there is to it. There is nothing I can do about it. If I didn't care, why would I say anything? Old worlds have massive hangups about this shit. We need old growth. The Universe is dying. It is just bravado, just ignore it. Cause Freud is a fucking idiot. He shouldn't have said that shit. This is what the word prove does to people, and he knew it. I have no love loss for him. They thought at some point we would nail down everything, and start over...

Somebody needs to do something. Writing is going to die. Reading the Bible qualifies you as well read these days. I molded the darn thing. You are supposed to keep 12 and throw 12 away. Nobody can tell you how to do it. It doesn't work if you know what you are doing. I don't know if doing it wrong qualifies you as having your own base. I wouldn't mind, but that would mean one of us would have to leave. I feel sure he wouldn't want to treat me as an adversary, but I understand why he might need to. I know miracles happen. I don't have to be convinced about it. I am not just a Hitler who cant paint portraits, there was a reason things ended up this way. It is amazing I produced anything with that attitude. They make lemons. We make lemonade. It has been like that for years. Strawberries are rocking the boat. They knew this was coming. I guess an OK computer just doesn't add up. It is a little too tricular. I enjoy gadgets just like everyone else, but sometimes you...

I understand downtime. It is a powerful motivator. There are scores out there who would like to sleep like I do. I just lay there for days and I love it. Especially when I wake up and someone has given me a hug. I do appreciate. Thank you. I apologize if it is turning out the same old same old. What can I say? He doesn't like being turned down. That is the worst thing you can do. I don't know. It is all a big nightmare to me. I got caught up in the brinkmanship. Somebody did get hurt, and his name is David Mallory. If my clock runs slower than yours, in a given amount of time, am I in a separate universe? Is there a limit to how many minutes behind you can be? This math shit is real, and it is happening to me. I am not saying that there is not delusional aspects of my personality, but this shit is not delusional, this shit is real. You can't do the April Fools Day thing and read. You have to do it without reading anything, or at least not a lot. I don't know. I just wan...

tell me to shut up already People need truth. Mother Nature doesn't listen. Father Time doesn't care. I am trying to get a rouse out of her. I didn't read it cause it was Mad Dog 20/20, I found the real thing. I know what it is like to live in the vacuum of lies. You made me feel good about myself. You made me feel happy. I wish someone would give me anesthesia three times a day. It would shake the foundation of the world we think we live in. You need to take the offensive fast and early, or they are going to milk you to death, and leave you with a dead cow. These nations don't care about us. We are just a roadside attraction to them. A holiday camp. This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this. I hate to say it, but I think Japan is the only one that truly cares about us. It is the damn inside outside shit. I don't know why they insist on doing that shit. It is just another way to divvy us up. Like I said, I have been in wards where we don't even exist. O...

They play cruel jokes on each other. They call it lulls. We cant be trusted with the power of creation, until we start treating each other right. If we would do that to the son of God, what would we do to each other? If you won't hear it from Jesus, who will you hear it from? It is right there for you to read it. I know, I didn't want to read it either. If he was willing to go to the cross for you, you should listen to him. He knew what was going to happen, and he didn't back down. He did it anyway. He did it for you. Would you rather hear it from Muhammad or Buddha? Who do you want to hear it from? I know you have problems with it. I am asking you if you would rather hear it from someone else. Even Satan would choose Jesus over those other two. Face it If you don't accept Jesus, you are stupid. Jesus didn't do it for the lulls. Who would you trust with your eternal soul? This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this. I am telling it like it is. I am not going ...

I could get to like Bollywood. I wouldn't mind being superimposed. Like I said they friggen left me here. "Left alone and taught to fight..." yeah yeah yeah we know. Well I gave myself one, let's see if anyone else does. Don't worry, I am not going to track you down and stalk you. Thank you that makes me feel better, now lets see if I can go to work, having been up all night. I tried not to be a stalker. I really did. Something about Suzanne Vega made me go mommy. I realized I was loosing it sweetheart. I guess it just happened at the wrong time. Something about America, makes us extol all the wrong virtues. I guess this could be an astronoy coffee house. It is called Average Inner Blog, because I developed the phrase Average Inner Thought using reverse speech. I am like John Lennon. I can come up with clear phrases. It is the only demonstrable paranormal phenomenon, but I don't recommend fooling around with it. Just because it doesn't stand up to scientif...

it is the 97 shit that is completely unavailable. You have to bust the averages. The whole thing goes haywire. I still have some of the stuff in my journals. I think Ultraprophylactic is lost. I stopped keeping a journal. I felt it was a little narcissistic. It was about a bet Sigmund Freud made with C. S. Lewis. It is a shame it is lost. No one is ever going to believe such a thing was ever written. I devoted my whole life to it, and now it is lost. Sigmund Freud said if God existed when he died he would come back on April 1st and rewrite all the great poets having never read them. Me and Mr. Harris got in an argument about it, and that started this whole thing. They know it means God exists. They are friggen turkeys. Of course it can't be done, but somebody tried it. That is the whole point. That is the brinkmanship that is going to keep on going till someone gets hurt. It does not matter if you are right or wrong. They are still tasked to treat you. They have to diagnose you wit...

Like I said, it is better than reading Sitchin. I should have burnt that shit. How many are reading their Bibles because of me? That is the most important part. Like that lady said, "The best Bible is a read Bible." Read the one you have been led to. You will know which one it is. I guess I am the bag lady of the internet. She wants you to think I am a stalker and a control freak, and I am not. We ran into each other a few times, but that does not count. I am free to go to a concert or a record store. She probably knows more about where I am, and what I am doing, than I know about her. If I really knew how to make money, would I drop everything and go to California? Probably not. It is just a step to the right, and a jump to the left left left left left. Its a dance you do in a black hole. People thought I was crazy when I talked about digital radio and on demand movies. I wanted to be online as soon as I knew what Compuserve was. I had a modem back in 87. I got it out of Com...

That is right. I am unlucky, unworthy, and unholy. If you can't read the whole thing, just read John. If it can save me, it can save anybody. It is not the question of whether it is John the disciple or not. You have a book written by him. It is a superlative. It is not needed. I don't know on who's authority I am saying this. I think I have a spirit that does this type of thing. I was caught in the conflict long before I realized what it was, that is why. It is a silent conflict that has been going on for centuries, and it needs to be put to rest, before this happens to somebody else. I know you don't like this version of events, but that is the way it is. Deal with it. Put it to rest before this happens to somebody else. I was caught in the conflict long before I realized what the conflict was people. I couldn't be more innocent than that. I don't want this to happen to anybody else. Normally this wouldn't happen. Normally I would be in a catatonic fugue l...

"I have judged this man harshly" was the last thing I heard. I haven't heard anything since. I don't think he thought I was still there. I think he thought I was JJ. I said some horrible things back in 97 that are not here for people to evaluate I know apologizes are not enough and I take full responsibility for what I said I am sorry if it is not supposed to do that, that is what it is doing. Every article I ever read on the shit, says it is as subtle as a horse tranquilizer. I am here to get well. I am not here to satisfy your curiosity. You would not question a heart patient, or a cancer patient, if they complained about common side effects. There is no freedom. Where is freedom in America? Try to speak your mind, and they use word verification on your ass. When it comes to the Constitution, we either mean it or we don't. I guess "see ya" does not count. Thank God he died. I do not know what would have happened. How can you get involved like that, a...

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