Average Inner Blog

The only thing that keeps me here is a lie I make to myself. They understand. They just don't want to do it that way. I found hope in Goochland. This is hope in Goochland. I am no longer lost in Goochland. I saw the guy in purgatory before. It was shown to me so I would know where I was when I got there. It is some kind of barometer. Hide this from the public and it will be on your head. There is nothing to friggen fix. They don't want it to friggen work. There are no aliens here cause Dave is xenophobic. Even evildoers will be seen to have participated in God's plan. Freedom isn't free. Free just means you don't cost anything. Make an illegal U-turn. My hypothesis is... My brain has rewired itself into some resemblance of hydrogen. It is not that unlikely. This is a can happen. A fractal collider? Would 1 over 1 make any more sense? What would make sense? How do you know what doesn't make sense if you don't have an expectation of what would? Maybe it doesn...

getting you to believe things aren't real is the first step to murder. You are better off giving Jesus 2 dollars and tell him thank you. I guess it is the only word in their vocabulary that would signify useless drivel. I want to believe people understand the issues. Apparently they don't. I am the last one fighting for the shit, you God damn morons. How can I let go thinking I am the only one? A woman can't hold it. It is something only a man can do. what is a universal mutation? If it is universal how do you know its a mutation? We are governed by what MUST happen. Not what can happen or will happen. They think they can force me to remember shit that never took place. I can't see clearly if I did or didn't. Allison brought it home and I was contemptueos as I recall it. That is to say for us I believe what can happen or will happen is governed by what must happen. Now I understand what the free will debate is about. doesn't anyone else consider it strange the w...

The veracity of it does not matter. I have lost touch with reality and it is never coming back. Women see patterns men don't readily see. I guess I am setting off all sorts of alarms. I know there is something wrong with me but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like the whole world has gone nuts. The powers that be don't want us to think this way It isn't our job, so they call it delusional. Truth is, you can make some valid connections this way. This is what happens when you fall out of step, and go for the banana. Happy birthday. The only way out of this mess is to avoid it for a while. It is called a monkey amplifier. It makes it easier for them to write Moby Dick. Monkey amplification would imply denominator reduction which would imply a variable speed of light kept in check by monkey mass? In some species temperature determines sex. It is not what we think, it is how we think. It sounds delusional because you don't think that way. Monkey text is the extraordin...

I think she did it on purpose. I think she doesn't like you. You are going to have to let me go. You are going to have to make peace with her. You are going to have to wait your turn and hope you get it right next time. I tried to tell you but you wouldn't stop. It didn't happen until you dug it up. God doesn't dig. Don't you think God already knows? Satan does that crap. You are screwing up. You have left me no choice but to avoid you. Don't you think it is a little weird that almost every adult in my life is screwing me over? Satan is doing this crap. I don't want to do this. The one that is going to be completely lost hasn't done anything. I am not going to stay in her life if she doesn't want me there. I don't want to be like this anymore. Why did you become involved? All I get from you is hurt. Somewhere in there there is a 17 year old who is mortified by all of this. I think that would kill me if I tried it again. DO RAY ME FA SO LA TEE DO ...

Everything is hard. Don't give up on your dreams because it is hard. I crossed into this netherworld because you ignored me. I made the mistake of thinking things were easy. If I knew everything was hard, I might have taken a different path. A discipline is a discipline, and they are all hard. Don't go into something thinking you can skate. It never works out that way. Not only do people resent the fact you are skating, but you can't control what God throws at you. When people are struggling for a "C", and you are settling for zeroes, they can get pretty mad at you. Skating isn't allowed. If you are skating, God is going to throw something at you. I wish there was something I could say to bring you back into my life. I don't understand how you can deny me. I will survive without you. I will remember this denial. I have already left my mark. It is not something I worry about. This drive that I am supposed to have and I don't, is because it has already h...

You don't get it. Anything that can happen has happened. If it is plausible it is real. It is plausible that caused the big bang, therefore it did. That is the key to being psychotic. Keep it plausible. It is plausible I was attacked over y2k therefore I was. Somehow I entered into a trippy world, where I could make anything plausible into a reality. It is plausible I have a thing over voting machines Cause of something that happened to me as a kid, therefore I do. I don't know if this holds true for everybody or just me. Maybe it is some kind of warning. Don't dig here it is dangerous. It is plausible they came to dig here and got stuck. That is the price you pay for digging. I guess I came from a place where people are prepared for this crap. I have hundreds of homework assignments I could do at any time. It is plausible I am not doing my homework, because I am leaving something intentionally undone, therefore I am. I will let the rap stars be the rap stars. If Johnny ain...

there are five reasons why to pass the test you must know all five reasons I am not going to dictate the reasons and I am not going to say for or against I will let yall decide that I don't know all five and it is better that I don't cause I don't want to dictate what they are I am more interested in starting this tradition than passing the test. I am sure there are five in there somewhere. Of course it is going to happen. It cannot be stopped. I just have a real problem feeling good about it. Hopefully this is part and it is many decades away. The new generation wont let it dominate and ruin their life like I did. I don't think anyone fully appreciates what the cold war did to people's psychology. I have gotten addicted to sudoku. It is easier than minesweeper. I thought it would be hard, but it is not. I use triage and elimination. I minus well have been the guardian of the country. It is a dark sadistic energy that is attacking me. I cant afford to have feelings ...

I was feeling the effects of solving y2k and I didn't know what was going on. I blamed the girls but it wasn't their fault. I have been the lynch pin of the whole damn thing for 25 years. This is what happens when men fix shit. I am not saying she is wrong, but she thinks the worst of everything. If I go down America goes down. That is just the way it is. You should know that by now. I had a dream that my father had a house of many rooms, and I was upset because my bed wasn't big enough, and I had to share a room. People love me. I could be the most evil person in the world, and they would still love me. I don't think God supports everything I have done. I think he just feels I have been through enough already. I have dreamt about that house many times. There are many good people in that house, but it is not safe to go looking around for your own room with a big bed. I am saying that thinking that you deserve such things is the wrong attitude to have. You should be happ...

I am sorry about the war. We cant give them a free base of operations. It is a national security issue. They think we depend on evil and superstition. It is our way of life. We can only decide to defend it or lose it. I cant say that I disagree with them, but that is not an option. Let me make that clear. Agreeing with them is not an option. This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this people. It is assholes and communists. That is the way the world is. Deal with it. because I went that route and it was a tragic mistake. They think stupidity should be painful, so they play cruel jokes on people to get them to stop. That is Satanism, and I am not happy about it. I dont buy the story that they hijacked the planes with box cutters. I suspect psi ops was involved. and we cant give them a free place to do that shit. We need to hassle them. We can't let them stew. If God says "Yes he is" and "No its not" That is his decision.

they never intended for us to pass that damn eventuality test anyway It was a thing we had to go through before they took over the planet so a great attractor wouldn't happen again basically it means you are responsible for a sizable portion When you pass the test you ge what is called a "name" but we are not supposed to have one we are supposed to be terraforming slave race. They don't talk about the great attractor anymore. I guess I fit mosts definition of gay. I just don't want it like I should. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am just a writer thats all. I know I should give up. I know this is never going to go anywhere. I keep on doing it. I don't want to quit. I have quit too much in my life. Now on top of everything I am scared to death of women. I told you something that made you think I was gay didn't I? Something you heard maybe? Something you approached me about? I don't remember most of that conversation. I know we talked about my...

I haven't posted anything in a while cause I am building my own computer. It was easier than I thought it would be. I don't know what is going on but every time I hit the backspace key twice the darn dvd drive opens up. Have to get out of that habit I guess. I thought mounting the cpu with the grease and everything would be the hard part. That was easy. The hard part was installing the motherboard. I am still not happy with it, If you want it to look professional, which is necessary if you are going to get top dollar for it, I would suggest getting the motherboard installed by a professional. This damn Openoffice writer wants to guess what word I am going to say. I don't like that either. Anyway everything else went without a hitch. I wanted to do a burn in before installing windows, but that is pretty tricky to do. I have a copy of mepis and ubuntu, I am running mepis now, so I booted it with the mepis disk. I went dumb and forgot I needed to run fdisk. So I ...

I guess if you are going after more than presidential knee caps something is wrong with you. For Christ's sake don't solve anything. Let her cover you. They got me on clozaril and geodon and I could still go mad. I know how to do it. It is an observation not a judgment. If my mother wants me to come home I will go home. I needed to be covered. I was in a hurry and running out of time. Something in me knows that by January it would be too late. In case you are not following me the hypothesis is... Solving Y2k put me at odds with women, and that women are holding a secret that deals with the many worlds interpretation. I know that sounds outlandish for people who don't know me. People who know me know something is up, and that is my best explanation. Everybody thinks I skated because of my dad. It wasn't because of my dad. Plenty of people had bigger dads than mine. What can I say? The Air Force didn't let me get away like everyone else did. My dad didn't get me t...

I live in a special little hell. My reward for breaking too many hearts. It wasn't fun and games. For me it was never fun and games. Why dominates my life. I can't settle for love. I want to know why. It is not fun when you can't get over that. What does she know? Why did she turn the music on me? It kills me to listen, but I listen anyway. It is all I have. That and this damn blog. How can I give up on my blog? I want it to mean something. Not paragraph after paragraph of mindless drivel. I write sentences because that is what it is. A sentence, my special little hell. Maybe I can reach the next guy. If I am here to build a wall, lets build a wall. Sentence after sentence. Maybe in the end it will mean something. I am not here to complain. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what I have been given. Even if it is not what I wanted. Well maybe I need this. Maybe someone else needs it too. Her whole live must revolve around saving me from myself. God what a tragedy. I feel h...

Those damn serpents have been lying to you sweetheart. They know there is only one me. I appreciate what you were trying to do. I might have done the same thing. They think they are winning but they are not. It is exactly like it is supposed to be. They hate me because I consider them a figment of my imagination. They keep trying to get to me, but they can't. So I guess they just settle for ruining my life. I would love to let go but I cant go through that gauntlet again, and there is no guarantee. They thought they could hold the South with a wall, but time flowed around it. You learn. You move on. I appreciate what they were trying to do. I might have done the same thing. Mother Nature doesn't listen. Father Time doesn't care. Mother Nature and Father Time sleep in the same bed. The internet is a big place for whatever can happen will happen. They never learn anything. I could talk to them till I was blue in the face. Whenever you get that mammal thing going, they get pis...

I understand to people who haven't lost touch with reality this stuff is very bizarre, and that is the way it should be. Keep your reality. Cherish your reality. It can be very sad to lose it. Ginger IS helping me. She can't. If she surrendered her reality, it would be like 12 Monkeys. I wish I didn't have to be alone. I understand no one is going to surrender their reality for mine. It is there if anybody wants it. I wish she hadn't kept me on the air. She knows too much. How does she know so much? Sometimes I wish she would make a mistake. What is wrong with making mistakes? If it wasn't for y2k this shit would be over with. Just because I solved y2k doesn't mean I can cram things down people's throat. She doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. How can I let that happen? How can I surrender that? I can't it is a sworn duty. I wouldn't do it anyway. That is not an as if. I did solve y2k. This shit would be over if I hadn't. I can...

I was fine until I lost touch with reality. Now I am trying to make reality and I can't. I think God appreciates what I do. It is not a welcome job. Holding the South is not easy. You have to know when you have gone far enough. Far enough to find the bottleneck, but not so far you need to put numbers on everybody. If I have to sacrifice for other's freedom It is ok. I agree with you, that is crazy. We need to find out what is going on about that. I guess taking responsibility helps you move on. I am worried about the millions who refuse to be baptized. They are still people. You are living with lemons people. Accept responsibility and move on. Don't play the blame game. It doesn't lead anywhere. You can't have strawberries cause you aren't ready for strawberries. If God gave you strawberries what would you do with them? Richmond is a place that revels in its smallness. As long as you keep playing the blame game, You will never receive strawberries. I was respons...

I just don't want my world to revolve around the shit, but I guess it does anyway. Kudos to my fellow black balled friend. He did a great job. Getting black balled is serious people. Watch out who you piss off. They are probably right. I am probably some actor who woke up in this shit. I found Hydrogen and pulled the plug. Except I didn't do it right and caused the Big Bang. This has turned into some kind of net opera. I am as real as anybody else anymore. Where did America come from? That it happened precisely at the right time is astounding. America has been blessed people. God found us and blessed us. It doesn't matter what I said. I caused the Big Bang for Christ's sake. You said this or you said that doesn't matter anymore. That game is over with. Don't fool me. You want that as much as I do. Stop the brinkmanship. Someone could have got seriously hurt. And watch what you make movies about. I would hate for anyone to wake up as Darth Vader. They have it in ...

I have a little bit of poetic license. He knows I am trying to reach the atheists and agnostics. I guess I have made a new definition of airhead. Now there is going to be a race to find helium. Why is this so radical? If you are anthropic nothing happened till the sixth day anyway. I agree it is myopic. I don't think you understand Christianity, until you feel personally responsible. It would be easier if I was a bad person, but the bottom line is I can't stay here. It is like Lark says, "You hate somebody when loving them hurts too much." I wish I could unplug from this world and move on. I don't know how I wanted it. I never thought that far ahead. Is this going to lead to anything, or am I wasting my time. I told you. I live in the moment. My planning central is screwed up. I don't know what is worse sugar sweet 80's pop or death metal. I am the reluctant antichrist that caused the big bang. I don't know what is going to happen to me. I could fuel m...

I crossed the wrong woman. Now the league of women voters is after my ass. I am a foolish upstart, and there is a power struggle going on. I am changing the game, and they don't like it. I am just a mutant. All mutants go through this shit. The bottleneck won't be with me forever. Why should I be concerned about my genetic material? I got bigger fish to fry. The oldest game in the book is going down, and there is nothing they can do about it. If it is unlawful to know it is unlawful, just how did you intend to enforce it? They never intended to enforce it. They just put it in there to make them feel better. I wish I had gone to the hospital and left the radio station. Dr. Curry wouldn't do it. He said I wouldn't try. People are flirting and dating and I... She always thinks the worst. I wish she had just given me a chance. All I really wanted was to be with her. I am just a lonely boy trying to survive. She didn't have rose tinted glasses that's for sure. I wish...

You have left me alone too long. I needed your intervention. You have one shot at it. If things go south go south. It means if the predicament gets bad, go for the worse. They don't care about us. All they want is the water. Why can't we? Because they know I have the right philosophy, and they want me to change it. You are playing along right with them. Because they wish they had done it that's why. Because there is magic in the bottleneck for Pete's sake. I tell you, all they care about is the water, and they can't have it till they deal with me. It is death, taxes, and bottlenecks people. If you haven't learned that you haven't learned a thing. God you people are so fucking stupid. Can't you see that? You want to put it in context, lets put it in context. Cause I want to do away with it, but they won't let me. So go ahead put it in context. She likes it when I get mad. You are the only one I ever had a serious interest in, but you don't want it...