The Endless Question

I live in a special little hell.
My reward for breaking too many hearts.

It wasn't fun and games.
For me it was never fun and games.

Why dominates my life.
I can't settle for love.

I want to know why.
It is not fun when you can't get over that.

What does she know?
Why did she turn the music on me?

It kills me to listen, but I listen anyway.
It is all I have.

That and this damn blog.
How can I give up on my blog?

I want it to mean something.
Not paragraph after paragraph of mindless drivel.

I write sentences because that is what it is.
A sentence, my special little hell.

Maybe I can reach the next guy.

If I am here to build a wall, lets build a wall.
Sentence after sentence.
Maybe in the end it will mean something.

I am not here to complain.
Don't get me wrong.

I appreciate what I have been given.
Even if it is not what I wanted.

Well maybe I need this.
Maybe someone else needs it too.

Her whole live must revolve around saving me from myself.
God what a tragedy.

I feel her wanting me to talk to her.
This is the only way I know how.

Thank God for the internet.
Maybe she will get some relief.

I am shifting gears.
I am moving in a new direction.
I like this sentence after sentence shit.

This is life in the 21st century.
Everything seems the same, but somethings changed.

I will never get used to judgment.
It is just not in my blood.

I appreciate what it is there for,
although I don't know if I will ever be truly sorry.

The thunder makes me wonder.
I know people say it is only a noise,
but it is very disconcerting to have something like that.

Who are my people?
What did God give it to me for?
Who am I supposed to be?

I want you to understand and love me.

People won't tell me the truth about it.
They think I am better off not knowing.

I don't mean to be self important.
I think we would lose a lot if I let go of this.

I know it doesn't look like much,
but it is more than it appears to be.

My music was supposed to fix it,
but the powers that be wouldn't let it.

I gave them the fix and they didn't use it.
They knew what it was for.

What can I say?
They like things the way they are.

Something from me,
anything from me would have stopped this mess.

But they didn't trust me.
They didn't like the idea of me in that position.

I wanted to herald in a new century,
and they wouldn't let me do it.

"Don't get any big ideas, it is never going to happen."
So use Victoria Williams I don't give a crap.

I know you think I feel self important,
but to me it is common sense.

I am sorry.
Our relationship doesn't mean that much to me.

I have the chance to hold the south and build a library,
and I am supposed to give that up for a pubescent dream?

I have grown up.
That shit doesn't matter to me anymore.

There was a time when it did,
and you didn't do the right thing.
So deal with it.

I am going to have it my way or not at all.
See how you like it.

Common sense says if you write someone a letter
and they don't write back that person doesn't love you.

I am sorry if it sounded conflicted or sent a mixed message.

What am I supposed to do?
You didn't love me.
I am doing the best I can.

Kim put her heart out there,
and I just trampled all over it.

She didn't want to be second best.
Nobody does.

She is the one that took me aside and asked me my life story.
I thought she gave a damn.

I am a writer.
I sound that way when I write.
It is a gift.

It is a God given talent.
I am well adjusted.
I just sound maniacal.

I wanted to be with you.
You made me feel good.
You made me happy.
I know I am screwed up.

I am too self important.
I can't let go.

I don't mean to be self important,
but I am a universal figure.

Something I did had a universal impact.
You know it.
I don't have to prove it to anybody.

She is trying to cover me and she can't
It is never going to happen.

by January 19th it was too late.

If she wants to cover me,
she must do it before I write that program.
After that it is too late.

I wouldn't mind being covered
if I understood that was happening.
It is too late now though.

All of this because of a computer program I wrote in High School.
I know it sounds incredulous.

They think I am mad at women.
They think I am too self important to let go.
Somebody knows the truth about this shit.

Cover, I can deal with.
Superimposed, that shit aint happening.

y2k is the only thing I can think of
that would have had a universal impact so early

I try to stick to what is plausible,
I think if she could cover me it would have happened by now.

I am sorry this happened sweetheart.
What would you do
if some maniac who called himself Meglodave solved y2k?

I may not be a household name,
but it was my reality when I contributed it to the body of Christ.

No wonder I am going crazy.
There is nothing friggen wrong with me.

I may have had a psychotic break.
but I really did write that y2k thing,
and this math shit is real.

Nobody did their research to figure out what the heck was going on.
The answer was there the whole time.

When I found out, I reasoned
and did what I needed to do with it.
What more can you ask for?

Now that is being responsible.

Apparently I was behind Lark the whole time.

Did I scare the living crap out of you?
Good.
You aint supposed to be doing that shit anyway.

Just because it is a gift,
doesn't give you the right to be irresponsible with it.

Yall are the ones that kept playing.
I told you I was behind Lark a long time ago.

He collects people like me,
and he is really good at it.

You are right.
I am better behind somebody.

The 6000 Year Secret

Those damn serpents have been lying to you sweetheart.
They know there is only one me.

I appreciate what you were trying to do.
I might have done the same thing.

They think they are winning but they are not.
It is exactly like it is supposed to be.

They hate me because I consider them a figment of my imagination.

They keep trying to get to me, but they can't.
So I guess they just settle for ruining my life.

I would love to let go but I cant go through that gauntlet again,
and there is no guarantee.

They thought they could hold the South with a wall,
but time flowed around it.

You learn. You move on.

I appreciate what they were trying to do.
I might have done the same thing.

Mother Nature doesn't listen.
Father Time doesn't care.

Mother Nature and Father Time sleep in the same bed.

The internet is a big place for whatever can happen will happen.

They never learn anything.
I could talk to them till I was blue in the face.

Whenever you get that mammal thing going,
they get pissed off about it.

They want us to stay in our reptilian brain.
They get pissed off when we start learning shit.

They consider the mammalian brain as their hard drive,
and they don't like it when it starts thinking for itself.

People are mad because they are on their knees begging forgiveness,
and I am getting away with whatever I want.

I was trying to prove God because of something Freud said.
He wants to be God let him be God I don't care.

I am sure he finds fault in me.
It is just not the time to address it right now.

Cause I am trying to build a new century for everybody.

So you will have a better understanding of whats going on
when the end comes.

So you will know what the choices are,
and why they are being made.

Because it wasn't fair.
People were being told God didn't exist,
and then wham mo.

It is just a male reality and there can only be one.
God has it right and is doing it right.

It is a mock up of the real thing people.

It was a brilliant opening move.
Everyone is going to be forced to explain themselves.

What can I say?
He handled the lemons right.

I don't feel like I can let go.
I don't even know what it means to let go.

Haven't I made enough headway?
I am tired.

I don't know.
I feel like they are all lying to me.
And they were.

I am just a mutant.
I don't understand.

That is what happens when you shop people to death.

They are shopping me to death.
They think I am the Antichrist or something.

They are being lied to.
They are friggen stupid.
Somebody knows what they are doing.

Ease off a little bit.
It will open up.

This is how two mutants find each other.

If this were to continue I would shop her to death,
but hopefully that is not going to happen.

I understand why it can't happen.
You are not ready for it.

Somebody knows what they are doing people.

Because I always asked that question
and nobody else did.

Wait, don't panic, be responsible, and read.

If that is where I need to go that is where I need to go.
I trust him to know where I belong.

I have been through too much.
I am taking refuge in the library.

I have had enough sweetheart.
I don't want to play anymore.
I have put the library in the right place.
That is enough for me.

Not like this.
Not on these drugs like this.
No

Please don't pump me full of drugs and shop me to death.

They think there is only one left when there can only be one.

If you won't let my music fix it,
Let Loose by Victoria Williams fix it.

I understand.
I am like 665.

I AM mad at women.
They are pumping me full of medicine and shopping me to death.

She thinks I have an anger problem.
She wants me to get mad so she can call the police.
It is stupid.
It is never going to happen.

I don't know why I am fighting so hard.
I know they are just trying to help me.

I am convinced it didn't use to be like this.

I told you.
We are not on the same page.

I am sorry, I made a mistake.

You don't have to be big and powerful to be antichrist.
any male with his own reality is antichrist.

You were prepared for another Hitler or Stalin.
You were not prepared for this.

Ok here goes.
Adam considered the serpent a figment of his imagination
and never told Eve about it.

The serpent got mad at Adam and told Eve
It was all about Adam.

When Adam came along,
The serpent and Eve never told Adam
what transpired between them.

Then God set the whole thing up,
so everyone would have to explain themselves.

I don't know.
It is a secret Eve has been carrying for 6000 years.

I cant believe the 6000 year secret is
she is shopping me to death.

Shopped to Death

I understand to people who haven't lost touch with reality
this stuff is very bizarre,
and that is the way it should be.

Keep your reality.
Cherish your reality.
It can be very sad to lose it.

Ginger IS helping me.
She can't.
If she surrendered her reality, it would be like 12 Monkeys.

I wish I didn't have to be alone.
I understand no one is going to surrender their reality for mine.

It is there if anybody wants it.
I wish she hadn't kept me on the air.

She knows too much.
How does she know so much?
Sometimes I wish she would make a mistake.
What is wrong with making mistakes?

If it wasn't for y2k this shit would be over with.

Just because I solved y2k
doesn't mean I can cram things down people's throat.

She doesn't believe me.
I don't know what to do.
How can I let that happen?

How can I surrender that?
I can't it is a sworn duty.
I wouldn't do it anyway.

That is not an as if.
I did solve y2k.
This shit would be over if I hadn't.

I can't make a comparison.
I guess I don't know what she is giving up.
I wish we were not at war with one another.

She knows too damn much.
Make mistakes for Christ's sake.

What is wrong with my reality?
I don't believe I am supposed to live in a woman's heart.

Sometimes men solve shit,
Jesus Christ.

I admit it must be rare,
but damnit it happens.

Shit I didn't know the world was like that.
That is crazy.

I wish we could agree to disagree,
but I don't think that is ever going to happen.

Why can't we just disagree?
Why can't she stop?

You can't disagree with it, that's the friggen problem with it.

People disagree for Christ's sake.

I don't agree.
Leave me alone.

I don't agree to this.
Leave me alone.

I am supposed to surrender my reality for hers.

I don't understand this crap.
I guess I am supposed to be alone.

What is wrong with her?
What did her baptism not work or what?
I didn't know the world was like that.
This is crazy.

I guess we know why there are not many Catholic rock stars.

That is the way Jewish people do it,
and it is being forced down people's throat in the name of psychiatry.

It is my century now.
Deal with it.

Jesus Christ
I need to find a nice Catholic girl and just be Catholic.

I confirm.
These people are nuts.

I didn't know the world was like that.
I am sorry.

I don't know.
I was hard headed.
I had to find out for myself.

That was last century.
This is a new century now.

I don't know.
They don't want baptism to work.
They like it like that.

They think that is the way it is,
that it hasn't been proven any different.

Sometimes men solve shit.
It happens.

They are sticking to what works
cause it hasn't been proven any different.

I know.
It is a rouge wave.
It happens.

He checked my conscience.
There was no angel there.

"I Judged this MAN harshly is exactly what he said."

If there was an angel,
somewhere or another he got lost.

Magic in the bottleneck people I don't know.
He checked my conscience and there was no angel there.

Stick to what works
I don't care
Just leave me alone.

You want to say I am one of satan's angels causing chaos
fuck it I don't give a damn
me and my maker know the truth.

I contribute my reality to the body of Christ
and relinquish all doubt.

If you are male and suspect you have your own reality,
that is what you need to do.

Contribute.
It is going to be a big library.

By the time its over,
Revelation will be just another book.

I am no angel,
but I do believe.

All her fears have been projected on me.
She is doing it to herself.
She doesn't accept Christ.

Everybody's fear has been projected on me.
Lord I hate this Geodon.

When I am in my mode,
I eat fear for breakfast.

I guess the Geodon was necessary, but it is not fun.

I went through all that shit on I-40
and then you are going to tell me I am not real.
I don't think so.

It was wrong to come here.

They want to see what we would do with lemons,
before they give us strawberries.

God wants me to think.
He doesn't like my automatic mode.

I can't have strawberries.
I didn't do right with the lemons.

I guess God handles the strawberries.

They don't believe in God.
They took the wrong lesson.

I think that is a dangerous road to go down.
Stressing who is real and who isn't.

Why do I have to be an angel,
or a robot,
I am just someone who didn't handle the lemons right.

I know you think someone couldn't do this
if they weren't free from original sin.
I don't know the answer to that one.

I understand why,
that is the point.

Dead inside I can deal with.

I don't really understand what it means to be dead inside,
but I can deal with it.

Maybe I am allergic to lemons or something.
I don't know.

That is the way it feels,
and it is frustrating.

I guess that is a lemon in and of itself.

I wouldn't mind if I understood,
but I don't.

I wanted the language of the rock.
It is something I strived for.

I don't know.
I feel like my compass points in the wrong direction.

I don't know why I want to feel dead inside.

I guess that is what happens when you try to take on too much.

It was different back then.
People thought it was going to be that way forever.

What do they say?
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

I tried to take on too much.

I am just a man that didn't handle the lemons right,
and took on too much.

I know when I am beat.
I can't see it happening any other way.

Cause I am a stubborn fool that's why.
I am never going to get it right.

I am supposed to feel scared and repentant and I am not.
Someone is looking over me big time.

That is what I learned from it.
I don't understand why they are so upset.

This is crazy.
When someone is dead inside leave them alone.

This is big.
Adam is abandoning Eve.

Do you think God would dope people up to solve shit?
It is stupid.
It makes no sense.

They feel me slipping away and they are pissed about it.

Eve didn't even know who the serpent was for Christ's sake.

She thinks she is doing God's work and she is not.

I told you I gather information and drop bombs on people.
Please stop messing with me.

They are trying to get out of the judgement in Genesis.
If they didn't explain themselves fully it is their damn fault.

They wont quit.
I am the only person left.

They need to get everybody and I am the last one left.

They are tired of eating dust,
They want to make an arrangement.

They want Christ to pay for them too.

If they didn't explain themselves fully,
it is their friggen fault.

You need to explain yourself.
Messing with me is not going to help.

They are talking to the dust and they don't realize it.

They eat dust people.
How can they make deals with dust?

I am the only one that believes in a real universe anymore,
and it is driving people nuts.

It is just a male reality and there can only be one.
God has it right, you don't.

I gave her something and she wasn't happy with it.
She didn't think it was a fair trade.
I am glad someone appreciated it.

How am I supposed to know?
I am a man.

This is what happens when women think they know everything.

I don't know.
It just seems that way.

You want to keep secrets fine keep secrets.
Don't blame me when you get found out.

Dear Lord I am being shopped to death.
It was for me not about me sweetheart.

The Head to end all Heads

I was fine until I lost touch with reality.
Now I am trying to make reality and I can't.

I think God appreciates what I do.
It is not a welcome job.
Holding the South is not easy.
You have to know when you have gone far enough.

Far enough to find the bottleneck,
but not so far you need to put numbers on everybody.

If I have to sacrifice for other's freedom
It is ok.

I agree with you,
that is crazy.
We need to find out what is going on about that.

I guess taking responsibility helps you move on.

I am worried about the millions who refuse to be baptized.
They are still people.

You are living with lemons people.
Accept responsibility and move on.

Don't play the blame game.
It doesn't lead anywhere.

You can't have strawberries cause you aren't ready for strawberries.
If God gave you strawberries what would you do with them?

Richmond is a place that revels in its smallness.

As long as you keep playing the blame game,
You will never receive strawberries.

I was responsible for it.
Please forgive me.

The veracity of it doesn't matter.
I accept responsibility for it.

It is my fault.
I accept responsibility for it.
Please God forgive me.

He doesn't have to ask me what I want forgiveness for..
I accept responsibility for it.

That is what I have learned.
The blame game doesn't work.
It leads nowhere.
Write a blank check and be done with it.

Don't you trust God?
Don't you love God?
Write a blank check and be done with it.

Things needed to be put in perspective.

Cause I had no reason to believe God was right,
or even real.

Please do not blame each other to death.

God is working in my life.
I don't think there is any doubt.

I am stupid for Ginger.

What do you do with a case of the stupids?

I don't think anything good can start with a desecration.
It either belongs or it doesn't.

I did what was necessary,
and I would do it again if I had to.

I care about my flock.
No one can say I don't care about them.

I did it cause I cared about the damn flock.
There is that good enough for you?

I believed in a false fairy tale.

I am tired of criticism about that.
I have more than explained myself.
If that is what you want to gig me on so be it.
I accept responsibility for it.

I brought it on myself.
I don't know why.

I have learned the blame game doesn't work.
I know now the next time judgment comes around,
that I have to live up to what I have done,
and that playing the blame game
defeats the purpose of judgment.

It is like sleep.
It comes and we need it.

You live up to it, and you say what you have learned.
Don't fight it.
It is like sleep people.

I don't know.
I thought spider woman was going to terraform the planet.

I have learned not to mix religions.

I was told to do it because I mixed religions.

Things go south and time marches on.

I know he gets frustrated with me.
I just hope he appreciates what I do.

I would rather people believe me,
than believe Zecharia Sitchin.

I just want to share.
This is what is going on in my head and I want to share.
I think it is important.
Maybe it will help somebody.

It is an as if.
I think everyone understands it is an as if.

Heads like mine are expensive.
The average person doesn't have an in to heads like mine.
I am making it available to everybody.

Sometimes I do.
And I am able to be in character and role play,
but in the end it is just an as if.

An as if is very real.
and it is not easy.
I believe they buy and sell heads like mine,
but I don't know how or why.

You almost have to be in denial about it.

Maybe if I do my job well enough they won't have to do that anymore.

I am lazy.
I don't want to do it the right way.
What is right anyway?

It looks easy.
It sounds easy.
but it is not.

Maybe I can be the head to end all heads.

Moveology

I just don't want my world to revolve around the shit,
but I guess it does anyway.

Kudos to my fellow black balled friend.
He did a great job.

Getting black balled is serious people.
Watch out who you piss off.

They are probably right.
I am probably some actor who woke up in this shit.

I found Hydrogen and pulled the plug.

Except I didn't do it right and caused the Big Bang.

This has turned into some kind of net opera.

I am as real as anybody else anymore.

Where did America come from?
That it happened precisely at the right time is astounding.

America has been blessed people.

God found us and blessed us.

It doesn't matter what I said.
I caused the Big Bang for Christ's sake.

You said this or you said that doesn't matter anymore.
That game is over with.

Don't fool me.
You want that as much as I do.

Stop the brinkmanship.
Someone could have got seriously hurt.

And watch what you make movies about.
I would hate for anyone to wake up as Darth Vader.

They have it in for me.
They need to go find hydrogen.

I feel for them but there is nothing I can do.
They want to live in a dream world.
They don't want to find hydrogen.
I can't help these people.

Anybody can find hydrogen.
There is plenty hydrogen for everybody.
Don't blame me if you want to live in a dream world.

It is a God forsaken mess
Always someone to apologize to.
Always someone who has done you wrong.
Just find hydrogen people.

I can't unfind hydrogen.
This is the way it is now.
This is the only way it is ever going to be.

It is a permanent split.
It doesn't wear off.

Cause it is a God Damn lemon.
It doesn't fucking work.
God Damn asshole.

Finding Hydrogen fucking works.
God Damn idiot.

I do respect you.
You don't understand anything else.

I know what she is fighting for.
I found hydrogen.
It is over with.
I can't unfind hydrogen.

God Damn it
It doesn't matter how I know.
You know hydrogen when you see it.

America is permanent,
and they are upset about it.

It is just a game the unbaptized people want us to play people.

It is just a game they want us to play.
That is all there is to it.

What am I supposed to do?
Let them milk us to death and leave us with a dead cow?

They are the ones that precipitated this.
I am not forcing baptism on anyone.

It has been there for over ten years.
They had plenty of time to find it.

There is a cultural war going on
between those that have been baptized,
and those who haven't.

God that sounds crazy.
I didn't know the world was like that.

I am not going to win alone.
It boils down to whether I like my cards or not.
I am willing to stay here if my job is not done.
I will watch over the south.

Wait, don't panic, be responsible, and read.
We will try to keep it from getting any worse.

You use mythology to move on.
It doesn't matter if it is true or not.

It is called "moveology"

Some are going to understand moveology
and some are not.
It is wrong to stress the veracity of what you come up with.
Just enough to explain it to yourself.

The bottom line is,
life doesn't want us in the clouds.
Life want's us to find hydrogen.

I don't know.
He drops off in the North,
and picks up in the South.
It seems backwards to me,
but that is the way he does it.

He understands me very very well.
He understands what I come up with and how to use it.
If you want to follow me you need to follow him.

He knows I am lazy.
He knows I do things backwards.
and I trust him to know when I am doing it backwards
and when I am not.

That doesn't mean we don't get in arguments about it.

I have selective amnesia which drives him nuts.

I understand he gets mad and I forgive him for it.

If thats what you want to call me,
but I don't feel that way.

God I feel horrible.
I don't want to be someone's adversary.
Know me and use me.

Obviously I must of told her something about it,
but I don't remember.
I know dealing with me must be a frustrating mess.

I would rather be judged harshly,
than you being in my head
or me being in yours.

I know I am trusting you to know when I am right or wrong,
but I have serious problems with it.
We are not supposed to be up in the clouds.
We are supposed to be looking for hydrogen.

I know it seems odd to me too.

Just call me r2d2
it doesn't bother me.

I am like some robot from another friggen galaxy.

They are disappointed.
They are let down and hanging around.

They want me to make deals.
They want me to make promises.
They think I am the one that can't be beat,
and that I know it.
They want me to challenge God.
They think that is what needs to happen.

They are determined to put me through hell until that happens.

We are not supposed to be up in the clouds,
we are supposed to be looking for hydrogen.

They think I want to die
They think I am spirit, immortal.
They are foolish and stupid.
They need to look for hydrogen.
They need to get real.

I feel sick.

I have been battered by both sides.
I am tired people.
Just look for hydrogen.

This is not about people's freedom.
It just doesn't end well.

Queen of The South

I have a little bit of poetic license.
He knows I am trying to reach the atheists and agnostics.

I guess I have made a new definition of airhead.

Now there is going to be a race to find helium.

Why is this so radical?
If you are anthropic nothing happened till the sixth day anyway.

I agree it is myopic.
I don't think you understand Christianity,
until you feel personally responsible.

It would be easier if I was a bad person,
but the bottom line is I can't stay here.

It is like Lark says,
"You hate somebody when loving them hurts too much."

I wish I could unplug from this world and move on.
I don't know how I wanted it.
I never thought that far ahead.
Is this going to lead to anything, or am I wasting my time.

I told you.
I live in the moment.
My planning central is screwed up.

I don't know what is worse
sugar sweet 80's pop or death metal.

I am the reluctant antichrist that caused the big bang.
I don't know what is going to happen to me.

I could fuel my art with jumps,
but I don't want to force people to read this shit.

Well it definitely turns up the madness level.

I could make a heavy incentive to read this shit.

This is what I get for giving a crap.
I am supposed to want to be with her and give up this shit.
Can you believe that?
Jesus Christ

Take a lesson.
This is what happens to people who give a fuck.

Am I in everybody's way?
Have I not accomplished anything?
I am the only reason we are here when nobody wants to be here.

Mother Nature is Queen of the South.
You don't look for the North in the South.
It has nothing to do with what I want.
This is precisely as it should be.

The South is a mythical place where everything went wrong.

Call it the dark side if you must,
but it is not an evil place.
Everything just went wrong there,
as things naturally do.
It is the wrong place to look for miracles.

I like the South.
In it I find my private personal space.

Mother Nature and Father Time sleep in the same bed.

I didn't ship them over here on purpose.
It was a sorrowful mishap.

I don't like to be divisive.
I want to bridge the gaps between people.

They play ping pong with me.
Sometimes I fall north.
Sometimes I fall south.
Virginia isn't happy.

I know I can be very divisive,
but I hate doing that.
I just want my private personal space.
I am just trying to bridge the gaps between people.
By telling it like it is.

How would you like it if the Beatles were in your business.
I just want personal private space.

Sometimes they walk east.
Sometimes they walk west.
I know it is a frustrating mess.
But that is what the South is.

I was playing in the dirt people.
It was my personal private space.
I didn't know it was hurting people.

I don't know.
The Big Bang is not a good thing.
There is something wrong about it.

It is cowbirding.

It is a lazy way of doing shit.

I am not surprised I would find a lazy way of doing shit.

I laid my egg in someone else's nest.

Holy Father please forgive me.

I know it isn't easy.
I know you are right.
I know you are good.

I understand there is something I don't understand about it.

A Half Baked Mess

I crossed the wrong woman.
Now the league of women voters is after my ass.

I am a foolish upstart,
and there is a power struggle going on.

I am changing the game,
and they don't like it.

I am just a mutant.
All mutants go through this shit.
The bottleneck won't be with me forever.
Why should I be concerned about my genetic material?
I got bigger fish to fry.

The oldest game in the book is going down,
and there is nothing they can do about it.

If it is unlawful to know it is unlawful,
just how did you intend to enforce it?

They never intended to enforce it.
They just put it in there to make them feel better.

I wish I had gone to the hospital and left the radio station.

Dr. Curry wouldn't do it.
He said I wouldn't try.

People are flirting and dating and I...
She always thinks the worst.
I wish she had just given me a chance.
All I really wanted was to be with her.

I am just a lonely boy trying to survive.

She didn't have rose tinted glasses that's for sure.

I wish we would of had this a long time ago.

Mars and Venus are supposed to let people who don't vote alone.

As it is they are fighting over me,
and it is Venus that won't quit.

I wish we could settle it now,
but 2012 looks to be a humdinger.
Virginia is almost West Virginia,
And West Virginia is almost Heaven.

I don't give a damn anymore.
I just want the shit to be over with.
Which it should be, but Venus won't quit.

Yes, I am pointing the finger squarely at Venus.

It will be the most important election since The Civil War,
and I could care less,
because for me they both do the same thing.
They are only interested in polarizing us.

Because we wanted to be a border state
but Lincoln wouldn't let us,
So we have set it up to go east and west next time that shit happens.

and I am famous for predicting shit that almost comes true.

They have gotten inside my head and they are making a big joke.

This is what happens when you get a conversation going in your head.

I don't know why
they are sadistic.

It isn't the veracity of the material that makes it delusional.

I have got this sadistic split going on.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone was getting screwed.
That is what makes me psychiatric.

It is hydrogen.

let there be hydrogen.

It was a half baked mess until he came along.

You want the truth?
That is the truth.

I belong in a museum.

I am not God for Christ's sake.
I told you I can't do what he does.

He made the fully baked version.

It is probably fairly common to find hydrogen.

Find Hydrogen and pull the plug.
It is more networthy cause it is happening to a writer.

Cause I asked for a simple painless way to end it all.

They think he is a homicidal maniac.
They think I need to stand up to him.

I didn't pull the plug right,
and I caused a massive matter - antimatter collision.

It is easier for people to believe it was all a mystical accident.

To Satan I am a mule.
To God I am a coward.
and that's the way it should be.

This is a hard job.
I am dealing with some heavy hitters.
I could get in serious trouble.

I understand people are livid.
It is a God forsaken mess.

They won't go with me.
They think I am a charlatan.

They knew it was hydrogen.
They should know to find hydrogen and pull the plug.

They won't listen to Native Americans.
They talk about the paint
which was supposed to protect warriors from gunshots,
or the ghost dance.
But people who know are scared to death to go in a kiva.

Is there anyone who is not upset with me?

I am not a rank and file individual.
I think my bloodline left me here on purpose.

I don't know.
I guess I was an even bigger asshole.

That is what you do when you find yourself in an atheist sand pit.
You find hydrogen and pull the plug.

Jesus adopted John into the family,
and it is John's blood they talk about.

There is serious debate and confusion
about whether I actually am or not.

Some say I am a fictional character somebody made up,
and I am an actor who woke up in the role.
Either way
finding hydrogen and pulling the plug works.

I am one of them,
I am not one of them,
They can't make up their friggen mind.
All I care about is lemons and atheist sand pits.

Fine I am not one of them
This was never about that anyway.

What can I say?
People like madness.
They can't get enough of it.
I wouldn't want to disappoint anybody.

It is a natural thing to find hydrogen and pull the plug.
Anybody can do it.

Otherwise known as baptism.

Amoebic Dysentery

You have left me alone too long.
I needed your intervention.

You have one shot at it.
If things go south go south.

It means if the predicament gets bad,
go for the worse.

They don't care about us.
All they want is the water.

Why can't we?
Because they know I have the right philosophy,
and they want me to change it.
You are playing along right with them.

Because they wish they had done it that's why.

Because there is magic in the bottleneck for Pete's sake.

I tell you, all they care about is the water,
and they can't have it till they deal with me.

It is death, taxes, and bottlenecks people.
If you haven't learned that you haven't learned a thing.

God you people are so fucking stupid.
Can't you see that?
You want to put it in context,
lets put it in context.

Cause I want to do away with it,
but they won't let me.
So go ahead
put it in context.

She likes it when I get mad.

You are the only one I ever had a serious interest in,
but you don't want it like I want it.

I don't want it that way.

If she just told me to fuck off it would be a blessing.
I guess I don't know how to fuck off.
I understand that I am a fuck up though.

She is trouble.
I need to leave her alone.

no no no no no no no

If that is what they have given you,
use it.

I can handle no.
It is this "I can't tell you I don't want to go out with you" crap
that is driving me nuts.

She tells other people no.
I have seen her tell other people no.

Nobody appreciates what I am trying to do.
I am wasting my talents.
I am a self important fool.

All this is going to be a grand memory.
Given to me by a dying civilization.

People are too caught up in their piggy little lives to give a crap.

I am like Enoch.
I am going to be taken and it is long overdue.

I am going to a place where yall grow in a petri dish.

This is just another staphylococcus.

I am in charge of the fucking projector you assholes.

It means I decide what I friggen watch.

I may not want to watch staphylococcus anymore.

I am tired of watching staphylococcus.
I want to watch amoebic dysentery.

I know it when I see it.
Fucking bastards.

It is a common thread.
It happens all the time.

You don't know what it is like.
Eventually I just give up on everybody.

I give up and watch something else.
It is really sad.

Everybody else says its genetic and gets away with it,
why can't I?

Everybody else says their sexual perversion is genetic
and gets away with it.
Why can't I?

Everyone else does it for christ's sake
why is it such an issue?

What I want is not an issue.
It never was.

I want Blue Lagoon.
I want the River.
I listen to the River and cry.
Damn fool has everything.

It is so simple.
You would think I could have that,
but I can't.

That rock and roll shit was never MY fantasy.
You should know that by now.

Because you decided I couldn't have it damnit.

I want it in a way you could never fulfill.
So just leave me alone.

I am not winning any hugs with this one.

I am y2k for goodness sake.
Why would you put me in a situation to choose about that?
You think our relationship
is worth watching the world go through the shit hole?

It doesn't matter if you believe it or not.
Somewhere in my mind,
you are forcing me to choose between the two.

Yes, I feel the world is going to hell in a hand basket without me.

Don't you care about people living with lemons?
I am in a position to do something about it.
At least Adam is thinking about somebody else.

Because that is how you paint me.
Now I am painting you that way.

We are like Adam and Eve,
and we are in splitsville over y2k.

Am I going to be with Eve?
and comfort Eve?
or am I going to save the world?

She wants to be the center of my world,
and I understand that,
but damnit I have something to do.

Kim cares.
Kim is not selfish.
Kim knows I have something to do.

Suicides aint funny Ginger.

A lonely Bitter Place

I am a jerk and a screwup
I have the wrong attitude about it.

It is more than just an effect.
There is real magic in the bottleneck.

As a mathematical term,
it means having your own base.

I know it is sacrilegious,
but I think atheists and agnostics need to understand that.

She is too much for me.
I can't handle that much.

She delights in driving me crazy.

I am crazy enough.
I don't need any help being crazy.

You were a siren the whole friggen time.

Is that the way you want to be remembered?

It was already there.
It was intentionally left undone.

I am never saying goodbye again.

Going to Florida is a sad memory for me.
I wish we could go to Disneyworld.

It has consumed my whole life.
I would of rather died on the beaches of Normandy,
or Vietnam.

You get a good view of that from the psych ward.

If you want to break tradition,
If you want to go in a new direction,
It is really hard.
I have been on this path for a long time,
and it is not as easy as it looks.

You don't know how hard it is to even get a semblance of a base.
It is not easy.
I don't think you can even do it by trying.
And you know it is going to be important in the future,
so you find yourself thinking backwards.

They can't talk about it because they are very valuable,
and you can't get there in the traditional way.

If I were unethical,
I would at least be in California right now.

I am already on the bad side of the establishment,
why should I care?

I need to start looking for somebody else.

This is friggen ridiculous.
Of course I am a man.
What was I before?
You people are wacko.

I am not happy.

If I am so damn precious,
what the heck am I doing here anyway?

Why can't I lead a normal life like everyone else?
What is wrong with me?

I am a lonely bitter old man now.
I could care less.

I need to stop my evil before something worse happens to me.

I wish someone had told me,
I was going to a lonely bitter place and it was going to hurt.

Magic in the Bottleneck

Name the shit and move on.
That is my motto.

It is all in what you are going after
it is both saturation.

Going after the April Fool's Day thing,
is going after saturation.
They are the same thing.
The universe doesn't care if someone came up with it first.
You get what you are asking for.

You want it, but you can't have it.
It is over.
It is done.
There is no undoing it.
Blame Freud.

From their perspective, I changed history,
and they are not happy about it.

I went after saturation and got an information burn.
That is all there is to it.
There is nothing I can do about it.

If I didn't care, why would I say anything?
Old worlds have massive hangups about this shit.
We need old growth.
The Universe is dying.

It is just bravado, just ignore it.

Cause Freud is a fucking idiot.
He shouldn't have said that shit.

This is what the word prove does to people,
and he knew it.
I have no love loss for him.

They thought at some point we would nail down everything,
and start over or whatever the hell they wanted to do,
but it aint going to happen.
It is archaic, outmoded, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

Creation is a type of world,
as Dr. Kaku explains worlds.
It has to do with information theory.
How many times do I have to tell you this?
The atheist agenda is a road that leads to ruin.
You shouldn't reject Marx, but accept Freud.
They both had the same agenda,
and it aint gonna happen.
This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this.

Cause I care about you fucking assholes.
I don't want anyone to sink in an atheist sand pit.
Even if it is their own fucking fault.

I get frustrated and angry cause I am trying to reach you.
Don't fall for that crap.

I prove evolution then take God's side,
and it is driving them nuts.

The world is cruel,
and we are not here to have fun.

Can't you see I am doing important work?
I don't know what you want from me.

I am a sad tragic figure and nobody knows where I am going.
I have come too far to give it up now.

At least people knew they were real.
My contemporaries don't even think I am a real person.

If it killed Cantor, Boltzmann, Godel, and Turin
I guess I should leave it alone.

I am just a writer.
What do I know?

I wish someone pretty like that would care about me.

How long would that last?
I would flip out the first day.

I flip out.
It happens all the time.

It means I shake, shake, shake, until I end up on the couch again.

Here is some psychiatry for you.
If calling it information burn gets people to take their medicine,
What do you care?
You just want to keep uncertainty at bay.

I know there is magic in the bottleneck
cause I have been through the damn thing
I am not human anymore.

An OK Computer Just Doesn't Add Up

Somebody needs to do something.
Writing is going to die.

Reading the Bible qualifies you as well read these days.

I molded the darn thing.
You are supposed to keep 12 and throw 12 away.

Nobody can tell you how to do it.
It doesn't work if you know what you are doing.

I don't know if doing it wrong
qualifies you as having your own base.

I wouldn't mind,
but that would mean one of us would have to leave.

I feel sure he wouldn't want to treat me as an adversary,
but I understand why he might need to.

I know miracles happen.
I don't have to be convinced about it.

I am not just a Hitler who cant paint portraits,
there was a reason things ended up this way.

It is amazing I produced anything with that attitude.

They make lemons.
We make lemonade.
It has been like that for years.
Strawberries are rocking the boat.
They knew this was coming.
I guess an OK computer just doesn't add up.
It is a little too tricular.

I enjoy gadgets just like everyone else,
but sometimes you have to sit there and just think about stuff.

People need affection not gadgets.
People with their wireless gadgets scare me.
Don't waste your cramps and blisters on a cell phone.
Play the guitar or something.

I guess Mr Harris was right.
When your biological clock stops ticking,
you need something to entertain yourself with.

Go out and roller skate for Christ's sake.
Now I understand why grandma kicked us out of the house.

I was actually trying to accomplish something.
Nobody seems to understand that.

Anybody can Longcat.
It is not hard.

I need affection.
I am not used to this American way of life.
It is foreign to me.

I am in a living hell,
and I did it for you guys,
and I don't even understand you.

I am like a panda bear in a bunch of rhinos.

Pandas are black and white.

Do you listen to me at all?
Do you discount everything I say?
I am not saying
there are not paranoid or delusional aspects of my personality,
but this math shit is real.
I am a major fault line.
I am as big as John Lennon.

Because of Y2K.
I know you people.
You get into psychiatry cause you can't do the math.
Well math is everything people.

Me and my mother didn't get along so well.
There is that what you want me to say?
You people are pathetic.

This shit has been going on since elementary school.

I hope I don't die trying to prove anything.
I guess I am lucky to be a writer.
I will just name the shit and move on.

The April Fools Day Thing

I understand downtime.
It is a powerful motivator.
There are scores out there who would like to sleep like I do.
I just lay there for days and I love it.
Especially when I wake up and someone has given me a hug.
I do appreciate.
Thank you.
I apologize if it is turning out the same old same old.

What can I say?
He doesn't like being turned down.
That is the worst thing you can do.

I don't know.
It is all a big nightmare to me.
I got caught up in the brinkmanship.
Somebody did get hurt,
and his name is David Mallory.

If my clock runs slower than yours,
in a given amount of time,
am I in a separate universe?

Is there a limit to how many minutes behind you can be?

This math shit is real,
and it is happening to me.

I am not saying that there is not delusional aspects of my personality,
but this shit is not delusional,
this shit is real.

You can't do the April Fools Day thing and read.
You have to do it without reading anything,
or at least not a lot.

I don't know.
I just wanted to be Irish.

It comes from a different place,
but it is the same attitude.

The sad part is somebody could actually do it,
and it wouldn't change society's attitude about it.
They will still be tasked to treat you.
They will still have to give a diagnosis to the insurance company.

I know.
Why come up with something somebody's already come up with.
The answer is, you come up with different words.
Words that perhaps somebody else might better understand.
You have a better understanding of it if you come to it by yourself.

People are solution oriented.
That is game theory.
You wind up with an endless conundrum,
where the only proof is what you are capable of.

I am not sure little green men care about the game.

Proof ends in a conundrum,
and a conundrum is not proof.

Just like you can know the pieces by the way they move.
That is how you will know each other.

I am the one that makes decisions for the sake of making decisions.

I suffer from schizophrenia.
I am heavily medicated.
If you don't want to end up in a psych ward,
I suggest you don't try this at home.

I am with you.
I don't understand why I am getting away with it either.

They want it out of the realm of divine,
and yet they were the ones to put it in that realm to begin with.
Maybe I just don't understand the word.

I want people to have decisions.
I don't like this decisions that are his decision crap.
If they don't want to read it,
If they just want a cursory understanding,
That is fine by me.

It is just recourse.
I have explained the concept of recourse,
and I think everyone understands that.
That is all it is.

The only thing that can be changed,
is something that was purposefully left undone.
And nothing can be changed,
if there was no indication or warning about it.
But the real issue is not changing anything.
Everything that can happen has happened.
It is simply the issue of moving from one to the other.

That is the truth about y2k,
and why things are so different now.

What does that mean?
Things might be changeable,
but the conditions need to be right.
"With God all things are possible."

Christianity is flexing its muscle and they don't like it.

I accept Christ may not stay with me forever,
They don't.

What can I say?
God picks favorites and it drives everyone nuts.

People are a little overloaded with game right now.

People are saturated with game anymore.
Am I winning?
What am I winning?

When I make music, I like to get three or four things going,
like Stevie Wonder.

What would be a refrain or something,
gets all lumped in together and played at the same time.

I don't know.
I busted my ass and it sold one copy, mine.

The Vacuum of Lies

tell me to shut up already

People need truth.
Mother Nature doesn't listen.
Father Time doesn't care.

I am trying to get a rouse out of her.

I didn't read it cause it was Mad Dog 20/20,
I found the real thing.

I know what it is like to live in the vacuum of lies.

You made me feel good about myself.
You made me feel happy.

I wish someone would give me anesthesia three times a day.

It would shake the foundation of the world we think we live in.

You need to take the offensive fast and early,
or they are going to milk you to death,
and leave you with a dead cow.

These nations don't care about us.
We are just a roadside attraction to them.
A holiday camp.

This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this.

I hate to say it,
but I think Japan is the only one that truly cares about us.

It is the damn inside outside shit.
I don't know why they insist on doing that shit.
It is just another way to divvy us up.

Like I said,
I have been in wards where we don't even exist.
One person came back from Roanoke and that is it.
Lightning hit fire people.

I am telling you,
we are a mythical joke to them.

Everybody wants to be a child in America.
No wonder I don't want to grow up.

I am calling them on it,
If they want to tell me to shut up,
let them tell me to shut up.

It is like waking up in a freakish nightmare.
God don't let the kids know
Jesus Christ

Don't worry about it.
It is just my creative genius gone haywire.

It is hard being asexual in America.
People can not get past it.
You are automatically some kind of pervert.
Your parents did something wrong.

How did Freud put it?
Sex is natural and normal.
It is no sex that is unnatural and abnormal.
Fuck you Freud.

They are atheists.
They are like Karl Marx.
They have never felt God's love.

You either accept the atheist agenda or you reject it.
You can't have it both ways.
You can't pick and choose.

I love my atheist friends,
but I am prepared to leave them behind,
and I am not going to feel sorry about it.

I told you.
Creation is a type of world.
It has to do with information theory.

I told you.
You don't have to worry about the GUT.
That shit takes care of itself.

If I didn't care, why would I say anything.

Television, automobiles, computers, cell phones,
We are making fun of creation.
It is all a big joke.

It is all a big time reversed joke,
and we don't even know it.

I am trying to get it out there.
It is not my fault nobody reads the darn thing.

The Malleable Truth

They play cruel jokes on each other.
They call it lulls.

We cant be trusted with the power of creation,
until we start treating each other right.

If we would do that to the son of God,
what would we do to each other?

If you won't hear it from Jesus,
who will you hear it from?

It is right there for you to read it.
I know, I didn't want to read it either.

If he was willing to go to the cross for you,
you should listen to him.
He knew what was going to happen,
and he didn't back down.
He did it anyway.
He did it for you.

Would you rather hear it from Muhammad or Buddha?
Who do you want to hear it from?

I know you have problems with it.
I am asking you if you would rather hear it from someone else.

Even Satan would choose Jesus over those other two.

Face it
If you don't accept Jesus, you are stupid.
Jesus didn't do it for the lulls.

Who would you trust with your eternal soul?

This is a commie loving pinko fag telling you this.

I am telling it like it is.
I am not going to feed you with fluff.
You need to be careful whose house your living in.
There are slum lords out there.

It is the ultimate in altruism.
He cares about you.

I know Lewis and Freud had a conversation.
I don't know if Freud actually said that.

They say osmosis isn't real.
That it doesn't happen.
When it is real.
And it does happen.
Just like rouge waves happen.

When they can't demean it by saying it's delusional,
they say it is irresponsible.

Damn right I am scaring people.
I should be scaring people.

What is tolerated on Earth will be tolerated in Heaven,
and your patriarch is there.

People aint chemistry.
We have more than punch cards.

The golden age of science and reason is ending,
as we discover the malleable truth.

clear phrases

I could get to like Bollywood.
I wouldn't mind being superimposed.
Like I said they friggen left me here.

"Left alone and taught to fight..."
yeah yeah yeah we know.

Well I gave myself one,
let's see if anyone else does.
Don't worry,
I am not going to track you down and stalk you.

Thank you that makes me feel better,
now lets see if I can go to work,
having been up all night.

I tried not to be a stalker.
I really did.
Something about Suzanne Vega made me go mommy.

I realized I was loosing it sweetheart.
I guess it just happened at the wrong time.

Something about America,
makes us extol all the wrong virtues.

I guess this could be an astronoy coffee house.

It is called Average Inner Blog,
because I developed the phrase Average Inner Thought
using reverse speech.

I am like John Lennon.
I can come up with clear phrases.

It is the only demonstrable paranormal phenomenon,
but I don't recommend fooling around with it.

Just because it doesn't stand up to scientific scrutiny,
doesn't mean it is not a real phenomenon.

It is real.
Anyone that says otherwise is in sheer denial.

Clear phrases are a symptom of information burn.

Excuse me.
Clear repeated phrases are a symptom of information burn.
like "turn me on dead man. turn me on dead man."

Yes I am comparing myself to John Lennon.
It is probably somewhat common among musicians.
Happening to a writer is rare and freakish.

A lot of them start singing to get the voices out of their head.
I don't have to do that.

You wouldn't hear about this from anyone else.
People just don't talk about it.
Talking about it makes it worse.

I have learned how to shut them out.
They don't mess with me too much.

Common sense tells you not to talk about this shit.
What I am doing is against common sense,
but I am a writer.
that is what I do.

Plant a tree.
Talk to the tree.

You are living with lemons.
This aint somebody's sims toy.

happy birthday
wherever you are

here I thought i was cutting edge
what can you expect from a 42 year old.

I like longcat.
I didn't know it was called that.
It has been my wallpaper for years.

I guess they know how to do it now.
watch out.

If you think I did this on purpose,
you are delusional.

If no one has an objection,
this type of writing will be called longcat.

I said I was not divine.
I never said he wasn't.
I said it was superlative and didn't belong.
I seriously doubt John would say that about himself.
but you must have had your reasons.

I know I am not a musical genius like John Lennon,
but I have suffered an information burn just like him.

Its not up to me.
Be prepared to explain yourself.

Hell I am mild.
I went over to /b
people calling each other nigger and faggot

I have been at this for 15 years and I am getting nowhere.
Please stop sitting on me.

They are afraid I will flip out.
They are reading the cache.

the 80's are dead

it is the 97 shit that is completely unavailable.

You have to bust the averages.
The whole thing goes haywire.

I still have some of the stuff in my journals.
I think Ultraprophylactic is lost.
I stopped keeping a journal.
I felt it was a little narcissistic.

It was about a bet Sigmund Freud made with C. S. Lewis.
It is a shame it is lost.
No one is ever going to believe such a thing was ever written.
I devoted my whole life to it, and now it is lost.

Sigmund Freud said
if God existed when he died
he would come back on April 1st
and rewrite all the great poets having never read them.

Me and Mr. Harris got in an argument about it,
and that started this whole thing.

They know it means God exists.
They are friggen turkeys.

Of course it can't be done,
but somebody tried it.
That is the whole point.

That is the brinkmanship
that is going to keep on going till someone gets hurt.

It does not matter if you are right or wrong.
They are still tasked to treat you.
They have to diagnose you with something,
to tell the insurance company.
They don't pay for teenage ambitions gone haywire.

I went out on a limb,
and got caught by a bunch of turkeys.

If you are not part of a group,
and don't have any proof,
you are schizophrenic.

I don't have any proof,
but I could do 15 a day for a whole month if I wanted to.

If people can have issues about photographs,
I can have issues about my glucometer.

If it is high it is high.
Theres nothing I can do about it anyway.
As long as my A1C's are fine what do you care?

You are talking about people
who want to know if the big bang
is a good explosion or a bad explosion.
Coming up with a number
two or three times a day is not a good thing people.

They think the world exists in a woman's heart.
That sex holds the world together.
That men are superimposed.
They are friggen idiots.

I am hesitant about it and it costs a lot of money.
As long as my a1c's are fine I am not going to worry about it.

Every once in a while I get a sense of how bizarre it must seem.
I have broken some kind of information barrier.

To jump cars on this site, click the comment button.

It makes you bleed.
It causes osmosis.
It is called "information burn".

It is going to be in the DSM-IV before it is all over with.

Information burn I can deal with.
I have problems with schizophrenia.

Atypicals can exasperate the problem.

People using computers,
this is going to happen more often.
I am just trying to understand what the hell is going on.

It happened to a writer because of the word verification.
It is not normal for this to happen to someone like me.

Why was it happening to a writer?
that was the big question.
Nobody knew.

It is the forbidden fruit people.
be careful with it.

I don't think it is all that uncommon.
It is just that I am a writer.
Nobody knew why it was happening to me.

I guess google feels bad.
I aint on yahoo or ask.

I am doing something.
I am a writer.
I write.
That is what I do.

Not to take anything away from the man,
and I know I wasn't always kind,
but his death has brought an end to the 80's
the same way John Lennon's death ended the 60's

They thought I was a spammer.
I guess they did not like what I was doing.
They used word verification on my ass,
and I got scalded.
It is called information burn.

If you are not with a woman, you are a pervert.
That is the way things are nowadays.

Information burn is what happened to Adam and Eve,
for whatever reason.

People loved his music,
but people would like Prince over Michael,
because Prince did not struggle with it.
Somehow it was cool to like Prince.

People really had issues with Michael's sexuality,
or lack thereof.

At one point,
there was a copy of Thriller in practically every household in America.
They played the video every hour on MTV.
I don't know why people turned on him like that.
Being abused myself, I am very sensitive to abuse issues,
but I don't think Michael abused anybody.

I called him a punk,
and I am sorry.
He didn't deserve that.

Fine outstanding citizens,
church goers,
people with a wife and kids molest children.
Just because you struggle with it,
doesn't mean you are molesting people.

Rick James when to prison
for having a sex slave in his basement,
and people don't wail on him like that.

You either struggle with it or you don't,
and it pretty much stays that way.
It is ok to struggle with it.

Struggling with it doesn't mean anything.
Hell my middle school principal
got caught soliciting sex at the mall.
It does not mean anything.

the bag lady of the internet

Like I said,
it is better than reading Sitchin.
I should have burnt that shit.

How many are reading their Bibles because of me?
That is the most important part.
Like that lady said,
"The best Bible is a read Bible."

Read the one you have been led to.
You will know which one it is.

I guess I am the bag lady of the internet.

She wants you to think I am a stalker and a control freak,
and I am not.
We ran into each other a few times,
but that does not count.
I am free to go to a concert or a record store.

She probably knows more about where I am,
and what I am doing,
than I know about her.

If I really knew how to make money,
would I drop everything and go to California?
Probably not.

It is just a step to the right,
and a jump to the left left left left left.

Its a dance you do in a black hole.

People thought I was crazy
when I talked about digital radio
and on demand movies.
I wanted to be online
as soon as I knew what Compuserve was.
I had a modem back in 87.
I got it out of Computer Shopper.
America Online was not even around yet.
I miss those days.

I feel like I am going through this for no reason.
I got a little stupid, I am sorry.

I love posting and uploading.
It is wonderful that I can touch thousands of people,
and never leave home.

Finally my websites show up,
and not that soundlink crap.

David999@brigadoon.com is me too.
can you believe that shit is still around?
I am glad I have a blog I can spam now.

I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
That damn word verification did a number on me.

I lost everything in 97
my job, my girlfriend, my apartment, my stereo, my credit, my car
my mind was already gone.
the only thing left was the computer and the television.
I signed up with brigadoon, because they did not require credit cards.
I liked to smoke pot and watch mtv.
The internet is magic to us schizos.
If that is what I am.

I blew my mind out in a car.
I didn't notice that the lights had changed.
Now they know
how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
I am truly the wimper.

I don't know, it made me feel normal.
I felt like, this is what most people feel all of the time.
They would play shit in the background,
you only heard when you were stoned.
I rigged my boombox
and I liked to listen to ok computer with the volume really low,
and try to keep breathing.

It started in 95.
They were going to fire me and I flipped out.

I don't know.
My guardian angel took over my life.

I didn't realize I had any authority.

I didn't know they were doing that crap.
I didn't know I had the authority to tell them what to do.

They see these holes too.
They just don't say anything,
because they have grants to worry about.

You don't get money for implications.

There is something developmentally wrong with her.
I think we are looking at a lengthy stay in central state.

thats right

That is right.
I am unlucky, unworthy, and unholy.
If you can't read the whole thing,
just read John.
If it can save me,
it can save anybody.

It is not the question of whether it is John the disciple or not.
You have a book written by him.
It is a superlative.
It is not needed.

I don't know on who's authority I am saying this.
I think I have a spirit that does this type of thing.

I was caught in the conflict long before I realized what it was,
that is why.
It is a silent conflict that has been going on for centuries,
and it needs to be put to rest,
before this happens to somebody else.

I know you don't like this version of events,
but that is the way it is.
Deal with it.
Put it to rest before this happens to somebody else.

I was caught in the conflict
long before I realized what the conflict was people.
I couldn't be more innocent than that.
I don't want this to happen to anybody else.

Normally this wouldn't happen.
Normally I would be in a catatonic fugue
long before anything like this would happen.
It is the medicine that is doing this.

I know it has helped thousands of people,
but the medicine is a critical component of whats going on.
It cannot be denied.

They figure if you can't prove it,
they can do anything they want.

They feel they have license and mandate to do this to people,
and they don't.

The whole thing is feeding on itself and spiraling out of control.

I am being enabled by the medicine.
I have performed an illegal operation and need to shut down.

That was silly.
That is never going to happen.

I just wanted to scare the shit out of them.

I want to be out from under the thumb of Henrico County Mental Health.
I want to be free to be who I am going to be.

If I am going to be the Antichrist,
let me be the Antichrist,
I am tired of this shit.

It will be finished over and done with.
Either way this aint happening again.
Stop hiding me and keeping me at bay.
Damnit let's roll.

If I don't win its over.
I am a nobody.

Wes is the one that deserves it.
The world has really shit on that guy.

I forgot why we started this shit.
This shit is about Wes.
He has been shit on and I am seeking some justice for the guy.
I would take a 10% cut.

That's okay.
90% of the universe didn't happen.

That's okay.
That was recon.
I know what to do now.

Wes is a better second.
He listens and does what I suggest.

Most schizos are so caught up in themselves,
they wont listen.

I guess I know that I don't know.
It must be a hideous secret.

They are feeding it to me slowly.
I flip out all the time.
They are afraid I will flip out.

Don't worry about me.
If that is the place that is meant for me I will be okay.
Its when you are in the place that isn't meant for you
that there is a problem.

Hell is for Satan's angels.
I don't know why they want to drag people down there.
Why don't they just take the place that is meant for them?

It is full of everything they ever wanted,
and they won't take it.

It is full of everything they ever wanted,
and they insist on taking The Garden of Eden
away from Adam and Eve.
I don't understand it.

It is a very special thing to have a place created for you.
I should not worry about it.

Who cares about blame?
Just take what he gives you and be happy with it.

Mad Dog 20 20

"I have judged this man harshly"
was the last thing I heard.
I haven't heard anything since.

I don't think he thought I was still there.
I think he thought I was JJ.

I said some horrible things back in 97
that are not here for people to evaluate
I know apologizes are not enough
and I take full responsibility for what I said

I am sorry if it is not supposed to do that,
that is what it is doing.

Every article I ever read on the shit,
says it is as subtle as a horse tranquilizer.

I am here to get well.
I am not here to satisfy your curiosity.

You would not question a heart patient,
or a cancer patient,
if they complained about common side effects.

There is no freedom.
Where is freedom in America?

Try to speak your mind, and they use word verification on your ass.

When it comes to the Constitution,
we either mean it or we don't.

I guess "see ya" does not count.

Thank God he died.
I do not know what would have happened.

How can you get involved like that,
and then say "see ya".

Yall were playing psychological games with me.
I know I would have lost it anyway,
but it didn't feel that way back then.

Please, I am not Jesus.

They think I am Jesus.
They think I need to learn to help myself.
They are forcing him to make mistakes and it is not nice.

How can God trust me to do the right thing,
if I do things for my own selfish reasons?
Any little thing could set me off.

I don't know.
They equate me with Jesus.
They are trying to teach me the lessons
they are trying to teach him.

I asked the lord for the job.
If he wants to take it away from me so be it.
I am not jumping cars over this shit.

I need a job to keep me out of trouble.
It is in everybody's best interest that I have a job.

You said "see ya" and I freaked out.
I really wanted you in my life.
I knew without you was going to be really bad.

My guardian angel warned the Catholic Church before that happened.
Guardian angels know how to do that.

April the 3rd is forever going to be a very powerful one.

If I were nothing why would this matter to me?
I could say "this is silly" and move on.
The spirit wants something from me.
I can only hope to meet its expectations.

They believe in me enough,
they want me to stand up and fight you,
and I don't want to do that.

It would be sad to suffer this long
and waste it on a loosing proposition.

It is about this life
and what it means to me,
what I want people to remember.
For if they don't,
it is just going to repeat over and over again,
and that is the worst,
even if it isn't happening to me personally.

I wish I could go to the movies at 1:30

Jesus said it on the cross.
"It is finished."

It is just my story.
This is the way stories are told nowadays.

Too much easy living.
I can't formulate a paragraph,
much less a book.

We don't have to compete to get stuff out there.
Everybody is published.

They aren't burning the books,
they are burning the writers.

On 9-11 I said "I am not divine"
and that happened long before
I realized there was a conflict between the KJV and The Good News.

Can't you see?
It is about what a person can do and what they can't.
True Christians ARE walking twilight zones.
That's why we have the KJV to begin with.
It is Halloween candy.

It is Mad Dog 20 20.
It is not the real thing.

If it happened to you like it happened to me,
you would understand.

I am just the unlucky man who got caught in the conflict.
A conflict that started long before I was even born.

opaque burger

opaque burger older stuff
Opaque Burger newer stuff

The Lily White Alternative

That is what I have been trying to tell him.
There are people down there.
I am the only one who ever goes down there.
They think I am the only one that cares about them.

When things go south you go south.

I go south.
I consider it my job to go as far south as I can go.

I don't care if you don't care about them,
I care about them.

Ok they need to rock out.
I won't worry about them anymore.

That happened to me several years ago.
I thought you knew.

That happened back in 97.
I started wondering if it didn't happen
or did I just not remember it.

I take what people give me,
and turn it into weapons to vent my hostility.

In the wrong hands
these atypicals are like weapons grade plutonium.

I guess schizophrenics
are people who insist they remember everything.

When the doctor said I had quadrophrenia
I thought he knew I thought syphilis was an imaginary disease.
I came about that by thinking I might not remember everything.

I tried to claim the blog was just mine,
indicating Henry wasn't involved.

I meant it to be both of ours,
but he is hung up on copyrights and wouldn't contribute.
I told him no one reads those darn things,
but he won't listen.
He is hung up on copyrighting everything.

I don't know.
God is mad at him.
The computer wouldn't let me do it.

I don't think God thought David was here.
I think he thought David was purely JJ.

These are the times.
This is the way people communicate now.

What can I say?
He is a firm believer in the lily white alternative.

It is a struggle to be lily white,
and it shouldn't be ignored and ridiculed.

Nobody believes in the lily white alternative anymore.

They are itching for a fight.
They don't understand why I don't stand up and fight the asshole.

I am not God.
He can do things I cannot do.
I am sorry he is so political.
He is set firm and I don't want to get in a conflict.
If you don't want, need, or deserve a God,
Tell him yourself.

You think God is a crutch for weak minded fools.
I know you.
Now know yourself.

It is a rampant disaster.

If you are anthropic,
nothing happened until the sixth day.

Some quantity that must be produced for things to split like that?

For a universe to give off another universe
takes a certain amount of decision energy?

Decision energy is the idea
that if the many worlds interpretation is correct
there is enormous energy involved in our decisions.

Is it dark energy?
Because energy can neither be created or destroyed,
There would be an enormous amount of uncharacteristic energy
that could only be seen mathematically.

I agree,
it is dangerous for dreamers to fool around with this shit,
but maybe it needed to happen.

If God is mad at you, that is between you and God.
It is not my place to intercede on your behalf.
You have Jesus for that.

I am the beloved unlucky man.
That is all I am.
I feel for people who are living with lemons.
Even if it is their fault.

I didn't do it to pick a fight.
I had a frightening vision and got scared.

But the world does revolve around me.

I know that is offensive.
I wish it wasn't true.
I didn't always feel that way.

I guess that happens when you go this far south.

I am a victim of what I am studying.

The Sun doesn't create energy,
it releases energy.

Maybe I did
Maybe the time wave did not hit me.

If I do end up being the Antichrist,
There is a lot of people who really know me are going to be pissed.

Either way I won't have to do this again.

It isn't a light cone.
It is an event cone.

You cant be serious.
Lord what an idiot.

The Strawberry Club

What motivates me?
I must really think I am somebody to get into this kind of trouble.

If every decision splits into a parallel universe,
What happens to the Sun?
What happens in Andromeda?
These are serious questions.

Anything that can happen has already happened,
and you really have to bust the odds for shit like that to happen.

It is like rouge waves,
It is real,
It happens.

There is a difference between what can take place,
what will take place,
and what must take place.
It is a power that makes hydrogen bombs look like tinker toys.

Quit on a holiday.
Years later it will be easier to remember what day you quit.

I don't like this new doctor.
This medicine lights me up like a Christmas tree,
and she is in complete denial about it.

Why is it automatically my fault?
She is the friggen doctor.
You want me off my damn meds?
God forbid something happen and I can't get my clozaril.
You will see what it is like without them.
you wont mistake me for not being on my meds anymore.
If I am off my meds you are going to friggen know it.
and its all yalls damn fault.

It is that friggen bad damn it
and you are in complete denial about it.

I told you what happened and you don't friggen believe me.
You are going to know it when I am off my meds.
Everybody is going to know it.
Pray that I can continue to get my medicine.
Pray really hard.

Here I am scared to death that I might miss my medicine,
and they don't think I am taking the damn shit.

I am a clozaril ghost.
jesus cant you friggen see that?

I am legitimately concerned about my medication
and yall think I am not taking it.
It is an insult.

Sometimes "why" feeds on itself and causes disasters.

I hope I am not the only one who learns that shit.

It aint going to be easy.
I aint going to let you have the satisfaction of it being easy with me.

I want us to learn something.

This shit is messy.
People's souls get wasted over this shit.

You are never going to understand it
in the manner you understand things.

The more decisions you make
the more you are able to make.
Decisions should open you up,
not narrow you down.

Wow,
I need to stop picking my nose.

In the middle of it all two pretty girls took me to the movies.
What more could a guy ask for?
I guess I am screwy.

They think I am in denial about being gay,
and that God is a figment of my imagination.

I say I was never given the opportunity
to make up my own mind about it.

No you don't understand assholes,
this ball started rolling in 1978.

I would much rather get caught up in a woman that doesn't love me,
than suck somebody's dick and take it up the ass.

Please forgive me
My sexuality is fucked up.
I don't know anything else.

I thought ten years was enough.

It is one thing to be obsessed with someone.
It is a whole other thing to think that person loves you.
It is a slippery slope.
I could have gotten in serious trouble.
I chose to play it safe.

I did not want to say goodbye,
I really thought she loved me.
I was on a slippery slope.
I chose to put the ball in her court.
I never though in a hundred years it would end up this way.

She got herself involved by keeping me on the air,
by having that conversation with me.
She remembers it.
I'm spotty.

There is shit happening that I don't remember.

The way her rules go,
I guess I am not supposed to put the ball in her court like that.
I am not big on rules.
I want her to take a risk.
I want her to show vulnerability.
The way her rules go,
She aint supposed to do that I guess.
It leads to a bad relationship.
I really thought she loved me.
I never thought this would happen in a hundred years.

I guess She believes in rules.
I guess She follows rules.
I don't.
I guess she thinks,
if we don't do it the right way,
it would lead to an abusive relationship.
Maybe she is right, I don't know.

Does she feel for me at all?
I am this way because it is safe.
It is safe to want someone you can't have.

I am not playing by the rules.
I don't know there are any rules.
Mother Nature doesn't listen.
Father Time doesn't care.

The question is...
Can we be under time reversal and not know it?

If everything has already happened,
it isn't an issue of changing anything,
it is an issue of moving from one to the other.

Like I said,
it is easier to do something you didn't do,
than to undo something you did.
Of course from her perspective,
I have already done it.
I may never know what I did that I didn't do,
but it has clearly happened.

They can't give me a B.
It is unfair to those that did their homework.

I don't know.
To me it seems there would be enormous energy in our decisions
that is just not there.

Its not like I had a credit card.
I would have had to go out of my way,
and I just don't remember it.
In fact it is something that I remember distinctly not doing.

Do I just not remember it,
or did it not happen?
This is a question that happens to a lot of people.
The result?
We couldn't be more separated if there were a brick wall.

Where does all that decision energy go?
Why don't we see it?

This is what happens to people like us.
We get stuck singing to each other.

Rule #12
Time travelers don't do their homework.
If he wants to do his homework,
who am I to tell him no?

Purposefully not doing something is an open door.

I don't know
we deal with odds of a billion to one all the time,
and we don't see decision energy.
At some point it throws a breaker
I don't know where it trips.

My advice?
If you don't want a wall between you and the people you love,
don't fool around with it.

It causes a blip on his radar.
It gets his attention.
Like something funky growing in the petri dish.

God is a reality some people don't want to wake up to.

They are having too much fun playing sick jokes on each other.

I guess my burning Revelation was a distress call.
It brought God into my life.

I know better than to take on God.
Responsibility is the worse thing that can happen to you.

You don't have to burn Revelation.
If you are in distress,
put a loaf of bread in the microwave.

Everyone needs a distress call.

Even Pookie bites my toes when I forget to feed him.

A fight broke out
and someone knocked me over the head with a chair.

We need God because...

I don't feel so bad.
Some hobo invented the blues 100 years ago,
and nobody knows who he was.

I am just a little kid,
digging up roots,
building a bypass around a tree,
I don't know what I am doing.

This is beyond cause.
I have turned the other check several times.
This shit needs to stop.

This shit could be settled right now.

Whatever transpires now is beyond cause.

It means you are shoving somebody who is out of bounds.

I was stupid to think hangups would amount to anything.

She is too guarded. I wanted her to open up.

Word verification caused time reversal
and I had a natural reaction to it.

Mathematical activity calms the sun down?
Uncertainty is good for the sun?

She deserves more.
I wish I could give it to her.
Ronnie really messed her up.
She has probably been through hell just being my sister.
I don't care what happens to me.
I just want average people to not have to deal with this shit.
I just don't want other people to go through what I went through.

Satan is an asshole.
This shit is about my sister.
It has always been about my sister.
This shit started long before I even met Ginger.
The only thing I can do is put others first and not worry about me.

Because he knows what Satan does.
He knows how Satan operates.
He knows it is only a matter of time before this scenario takes place.

He gets you to make decisions that are his friggen decision.

He knows this shit is in Satan's bag of tricks.
He knows its in his friggen playbook.
He predicted it 2000 friggen years ago.

Am I asking anyone to make decisions that are my friggen decision?

I have already made my decision.
I made it on September 11, 2001!

Some Bibles say divine,
Some Bibles don't people.

God forbid you have to stray away from the friggen KJV.

Its a decision you have to make.
I already made mine.

Just because it has been around for hundreds of years,
and it hasn't steered anyone wrong,
doesn't make it right.

What are the needs of superlatives?
They just don't belong.

Even Sir Elton needs help writing his songs.

I want to ensure people have decisions to make.
I don't like this making decisions that are his decision crap.

I burnt Revelation and I had a horrible day dream.
It was never anything more than that.

I know they don't like it,
but damnit they are just a daydream to me.

They got upset that earth didn't go through harsh cycles like they did,
and they decided to attack the training program
that earth ran at the beginning of each cycle.

I stole Adam, and used the Hopi to keep hell busy
while we solved the problem,
but it was all a horrible daydream
it wasn't real.

It gets too political for me.
Mother Nature doesn't listen
Father Time doesn't care.

It was a bad design.
There is no need to argue and fight.
There is plenty fish for everyone.

I don't know why it takes ten years for people to listen to me.
Wait, don't panic, be responsible, and read.
We need God because Mother Nature doesn't listen,
and Father Time doesn't care.

I felt encouraged

I felt encouraged to make something,
and nothing ever came of it.
It is all upside down and backwards.

I couldn't have Blue Lagoon with a woman,
so I had Blue Lagoon with my music.
I don't think anyone understands that shit.

I know it is crazy.
I know you can't live that way.
It is my driving compulsion.
I want things first hand,
or as if as I can get.

I understand the need for the scientific method,
but it caused brinksmanship.

It is important to know if it is a natural universe or not,
I agree with you,
but the only proof is what you are capable of.
It was a natural reaction to time reversal.

I can see where things would build to the point
someone would claim to be God.

Living forever is touching so many lives
your life review never ends.

For me, it is easier to let go of the right than the left.
If you cant get both hands going,
get a small keyboard and flip it over.
it doesn't have to stay like that.
once you get things going
hopefully you can flip it back.

If I want to be a musician,
I am going to have to let go.

I don't think anyone would bitch if I got a few million.
I took care of something that was a real problem.

I just hope when they find out what truly transpired,
they will forgive me for it.

I told them to name their worlds and move on.
That is why everyone is so pissed off at ill annoy.

Somebody came upon the policy of annoying the mentally ill.

It can't be stopped.
We would have to unplug every radio station in the country.

Is it true?
Do they really do this?
What are they trying to accomplish?

We are all not Mark David Chapman
We are all not John Hinkley
You should be glad I am in this spot.
No wonder shit is evaporating.

That was a big update.
Something must have gone down.

You always hear everybody,
oh they knew about 9-11
or they knew about pearl harbor
but you don't hear about the ones that were prevented.

It is a constant struggle
to be one step behind everyone else.

The lottery is the easy way out.
Make the money work.

The way I remember it,
I said I wasn't going to play
if people were going to argue about it.

An unidentified parameter remains unidentified.
The idea that you can solve X is arcane and outmoded.

Some things are going to remain unidentified,
and you don't have to fool with it anyway.